Insomnia

It's 2:43 AM.  Where should I be?  Sleeping. 

I don't usually suffer from insomnia.  According to NIH, almost 40% of women suffer from insomnia and this tends to increase with age.  That said, I don't usually have a problem with sleep.  After my long, chaotic days I usually fall into bed and am asleep within minutes.  I tend to sleep and dream throughout the night, wake up and feel refreshed until at least 2 or 3 PM when I usually start to feel tired again. 

Tonight, I was awakened by a seven year old boy who crawled into my bed to curl up.  Hubby, so nicely, planted him back where he belonged.  Then, my three year old came down the stairs.  Instead of walking right to our room, he always stands by the stairs crying as loud as he can until someone comes to retrieve him.  I've told him several times just to come to our room.  I always worry that he will wake someone else up!  He is still snuggled in bed next to Daddy, but the pure act of getting out of bed completely woke me up and had my mind spinning.  After laying in the bed for about an hour, I just gave up and decided to blog.

My problem is that I think too much.  After Son #2 snuggled in bed with us, my mind was awake even though my body craved more sleep.  The wheels started turning.  I began to think all about what I had to do today, work issues, homework for Son #1 that did not get done last night, and started trying to solve the world's problems (and my own).  I started focusing on monumental issues in my life.  Whose mind can rest with all of that running through it?  Sometimes, I wish I could turn it off.  Still myself. Still my mind.  I've never been good at that.

In college, I took two yoga classes my senior year.  Yeah, I know, tough subject matter!  I had such a hard time with the meditation.  The professors would always say things like, "If thoughts enter your mind, just let them go.  They are like seeds in the wind."  I could never do that.  The thoughts would come, and they would balloon and sit there, and I would think about everything.  Analyze everything.  Worry about everything.  I come from a family of thinkers. 

Who knows how to fix this?  I sometimes like that I think.  I like that I look at aspects of my life and view how they will affect me.  I hate that I get caught up on the past, or caught up with things I can't change.  I think I am changing for the better now, though.  I'm realizing my faults, and I'm addressing them. 

I seek some comfort in the serenity prayer:

                                    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

                                    Courage to change the things I can,

                                    And wisdom to know the difference.

Even though I am not so religious, this prayer gives me peace.  Learning how to let go of the things you cannot change is not always easy, but it is a must in order to live life fully.  Being a control freak, this is especially hard for me.  (I come by that honestly too, thanks Mom and Dad!) 

And now with no further words of wisdom, I'm about to crawl into bed and try to close my eyes for a few more hours before another Fun Friday begins.