What does 2013 Hold?

I can hardly believe this year is over.  2012 was a trying year for me and my family.  We went through a lot of hard times, but a lot of good times too.  I think I've probably grown into myself more this year than any other year since college.  Losing my hair was a huge wake up call for me for some reason (some people might say that's post traumatic stress syndrome).  I've discovered what it takes for me to motivate myself though and to live my dreams, every day.  I don't feel lost the way I did at the beginning of last year. I feel happier, more well rounded, and healthier.  I feel like I'm a better person, a better mother, and maybe a better wife (on a good day). 

This year has been hard for some of my family members too, but all of us have had some pretty major accomplishments. 

Hubby pretty much started out the year by tearing is Achilles tendon.  He was recovering from this the rest of the year, until about September.  After a second surgery to treat Staph, he quit smoking.  QUIT SMOKING!!!  What a major accomplishment for him!  I am beyond proud of him, as this was something he's been struggling with since his teenage years.  He took my lead and began exercising and losing weight too.  We both looked at our demons, and we both started dealing with them...apart and now together. 

Son Number One finished up first grade and started second.  His grades continue to be in the all A range, and we were super proud that he made an A in conduct the first nine weeks!  How thrilling for him.  He also joined the gymnastics's team and attended his first meet, coming in third all around.  He has found his passion, and there is nothing better for a parent than seeing your child do something they love. 

Son Number Two started preschool, and I realized he has a brain...and he's smart!  He has always been my quiet child (except he has a very loud voice--I know so funny!), and I really did not know he knew as much as he did.  He can add!  He has made great friends in preschool, and he fits in well, as usual causing me no problems on that front.  I'm so proud of my little guy.  In other news, he finally moved on from Lightning McQueen to Ninjago.  He still likes Lightning, but he's not as obsessed with him as he used to be.

And Darling Daughter, my one and only girl.  She has grown from a one year old to a terrific two year old.  She is demanding, funny, sweet, and my little shadow. She follows me everywhere.  She loves to give kisses.  I love how when she wants my attention, she'll take her still-pudgy baby hands and move my face towards her and then make her eyes round orbits as she talks to me.  She is adorable and she's a handful!

What about me?  This year has been so up and down for me.  At times, I just wanted it to be over.  I wanted everything to change.  2012 has been about change for me and growing.  I think I finally discovered what it takes to make myself happy. I cried a lot this year, laughed a lot, wrote a lot, exercised a lot, and I began to accept myself for who I am.

I really came to terms with my hair loss this year.  I began experimenting with going out without wigs and hats. I do think I need a tee-shirt that says: I don't have Cancer, It's Alopecia, overall people have been really nice and just ask questions about why I'm bald.  I like the way I look bald, and besides being cold in the winter and having to wear more suntan lotion on my head it doesn't really bother me.  At some point, I'd love to give up my wigs all together, but I'm not sure if my work environment is ready for that quite yet!

I lost almost 60 pounds!!!  I turned my life around, completely changing my lifestyle and began setting a good example for my kids.  I exercise almost every day, and we eat a lot healthier and a lot less than we used to.  This was definitely one of my biggest accomplishments this year!

I really began to write again, and I realized that writing is a huge part of my life.  I hadn't been writing, almost since college, and something was missing.  As a writer, I have this need to put my ideas and stories on paper.  Since I've been writing every day, I feel like I have accomplished so much.  My goal next year is to finish my novel (over halfway done now) and to produce some short stories and try to get them published. 

I'm excited to see what next year holds!!! 

 Bring on 2013!!!!

Insomnia

It's 2:43 AM.  Where should I be?  Sleeping. 

I don't usually suffer from insomnia.  According to NIH, almost 40% of women suffer from insomnia and this tends to increase with age.  That said, I don't usually have a problem with sleep.  After my long, chaotic days I usually fall into bed and am asleep within minutes.  I tend to sleep and dream throughout the night, wake up and feel refreshed until at least 2 or 3 PM when I usually start to feel tired again. 

Tonight, I was awakened by a seven year old boy who crawled into my bed to curl up.  Hubby, so nicely, planted him back where he belonged.  Then, my three year old came down the stairs.  Instead of walking right to our room, he always stands by the stairs crying as loud as he can until someone comes to retrieve him.  I've told him several times just to come to our room.  I always worry that he will wake someone else up!  He is still snuggled in bed next to Daddy, but the pure act of getting out of bed completely woke me up and had my mind spinning.  After laying in the bed for about an hour, I just gave up and decided to blog.

My problem is that I think too much.  After Son #2 snuggled in bed with us, my mind was awake even though my body craved more sleep.  The wheels started turning.  I began to think all about what I had to do today, work issues, homework for Son #1 that did not get done last night, and started trying to solve the world's problems (and my own).  I started focusing on monumental issues in my life.  Whose mind can rest with all of that running through it?  Sometimes, I wish I could turn it off.  Still myself. Still my mind.  I've never been good at that.

In college, I took two yoga classes my senior year.  Yeah, I know, tough subject matter!  I had such a hard time with the meditation.  The professors would always say things like, "If thoughts enter your mind, just let them go.  They are like seeds in the wind."  I could never do that.  The thoughts would come, and they would balloon and sit there, and I would think about everything.  Analyze everything.  Worry about everything.  I come from a family of thinkers. 

Who knows how to fix this?  I sometimes like that I think.  I like that I look at aspects of my life and view how they will affect me.  I hate that I get caught up on the past, or caught up with things I can't change.  I think I am changing for the better now, though.  I'm realizing my faults, and I'm addressing them. 

I seek some comfort in the serenity prayer:

                                    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

                                    Courage to change the things I can,

                                    And wisdom to know the difference.

Even though I am not so religious, this prayer gives me peace.  Learning how to let go of the things you cannot change is not always easy, but it is a must in order to live life fully.  Being a control freak, this is especially hard for me.  (I come by that honestly too, thanks Mom and Dad!) 

And now with no further words of wisdom, I'm about to crawl into bed and try to close my eyes for a few more hours before another Fun Friday begins.

Weight Loss Update #1

I wrote earlier here about my goal to lose weight.  Oh, I also wrote about it in my New Year's Resolution post too.

Last night, I was feeling a little down on myself.  I was really bad this week.  REALLY BAD.  I drank and ate TOO much, as people tend to do around the holidays.  I weighed myself, and I hadn't gained any weight, but I had not lost any weight either.  I dragged myself (and my 7 year old) to Taekwondo, and I had a great night of exercise.

When I came home, Hubby and I watched "Game of Thrones" on Netflix.  We just started it so no spoilers please!  Afterwards, I still was not tired, because I had taken a particularly long nap yesterday.  So, I played around on the computer.  I came across Shaytards on Youtube.  I used to watch it a lot, but I hadn't watched it in about a year. 

I was simply AMAZED when I saw the transformation of Shay.  I did some further digging, and I realized that he was vlogging about his weight loss too (Shayloss).  I came across this video:

Totally inspirational to me.  And he's right.  We all have the power within us to change our lives.  So, instead of feeling sorry about myself for overeating during the holidays, I've decided to just jump right back into it.  Not give up.

Inspired by Shay, here are my attainable weight loss goals for the week:

1) Lose 1 pound.

2) Taekwondo 4 times this week

3) Instead of sitting in front of the computer in the morning, get up and go for an early morning walk at least three mornings this week.

4) Do 50 crunches a night.