What does 2013 Hold?

I can hardly believe this year is over.  2012 was a trying year for me and my family.  We went through a lot of hard times, but a lot of good times too.  I think I've probably grown into myself more this year than any other year since college.  Losing my hair was a huge wake up call for me for some reason (some people might say that's post traumatic stress syndrome).  I've discovered what it takes for me to motivate myself though and to live my dreams, every day.  I don't feel lost the way I did at the beginning of last year. I feel happier, more well rounded, and healthier.  I feel like I'm a better person, a better mother, and maybe a better wife (on a good day). 

This year has been hard for some of my family members too, but all of us have had some pretty major accomplishments. 

Hubby pretty much started out the year by tearing is Achilles tendon.  He was recovering from this the rest of the year, until about September.  After a second surgery to treat Staph, he quit smoking.  QUIT SMOKING!!!  What a major accomplishment for him!  I am beyond proud of him, as this was something he's been struggling with since his teenage years.  He took my lead and began exercising and losing weight too.  We both looked at our demons, and we both started dealing with them...apart and now together. 

Son Number One finished up first grade and started second.  His grades continue to be in the all A range, and we were super proud that he made an A in conduct the first nine weeks!  How thrilling for him.  He also joined the gymnastics's team and attended his first meet, coming in third all around.  He has found his passion, and there is nothing better for a parent than seeing your child do something they love. 

Son Number Two started preschool, and I realized he has a brain...and he's smart!  He has always been my quiet child (except he has a very loud voice--I know so funny!), and I really did not know he knew as much as he did.  He can add!  He has made great friends in preschool, and he fits in well, as usual causing me no problems on that front.  I'm so proud of my little guy.  In other news, he finally moved on from Lightning McQueen to Ninjago.  He still likes Lightning, but he's not as obsessed with him as he used to be.

And Darling Daughter, my one and only girl.  She has grown from a one year old to a terrific two year old.  She is demanding, funny, sweet, and my little shadow. She follows me everywhere.  She loves to give kisses.  I love how when she wants my attention, she'll take her still-pudgy baby hands and move my face towards her and then make her eyes round orbits as she talks to me.  She is adorable and she's a handful!

What about me?  This year has been so up and down for me.  At times, I just wanted it to be over.  I wanted everything to change.  2012 has been about change for me and growing.  I think I finally discovered what it takes to make myself happy. I cried a lot this year, laughed a lot, wrote a lot, exercised a lot, and I began to accept myself for who I am.

I really came to terms with my hair loss this year.  I began experimenting with going out without wigs and hats. I do think I need a tee-shirt that says: I don't have Cancer, It's Alopecia, overall people have been really nice and just ask questions about why I'm bald.  I like the way I look bald, and besides being cold in the winter and having to wear more suntan lotion on my head it doesn't really bother me.  At some point, I'd love to give up my wigs all together, but I'm not sure if my work environment is ready for that quite yet!

I lost almost 60 pounds!!!  I turned my life around, completely changing my lifestyle and began setting a good example for my kids.  I exercise almost every day, and we eat a lot healthier and a lot less than we used to.  This was definitely one of my biggest accomplishments this year!

I really began to write again, and I realized that writing is a huge part of my life.  I hadn't been writing, almost since college, and something was missing.  As a writer, I have this need to put my ideas and stories on paper.  Since I've been writing every day, I feel like I have accomplished so much.  My goal next year is to finish my novel (over halfway done now) and to produce some short stories and try to get them published. 

I'm excited to see what next year holds!!! 

 Bring on 2013!!!!

Time Marches On

Time Marches On

I'm having a hard time believing that we're ending 2012 so soon.  There are officially only 24 days left of this year.  At times, it has seemed to fly by, and at other times it has dragged on and on, but the last few months have passed so quickly it seems unreal. 

The thing about time is you can never stop it to hold onto what you have at that very moment.  Everything changes.  Last night, as I was driving home in the car I glanced back at my 4 year old son and my 8 year old son, and in my mind I thought, "I want them to stay this way forever."  I thought about Number One at 4 years old, and I had a hard time picturing his face each year afterwards.  The years drift by, the children grow up.  It all goes so quickly. 

This year was good and bad for me, as most years are for everyone.  I really struggled with Hubby hurting his leg.  I struggled with my own demons too for most of the year, and I finally feel settled, happy even.  I made many of my goals.  I changed my whole life for the better, by losing weight and exercising.  I finally began to accept that I will probably be bald for the rest of my life.  (Except for some reason, I have not accepted that I will not have eyebrows). 

Hubby and I finally got the house cleaned (literally--and mostly due to his efforts I must say!).  We also finally posted rules for the kids, and became more consistent in our disciplining of them. 

I have goals for next year too, but I know as soon as I blink an eye tax season will be here, and then Halloween and then Christmas 2013, and we will be turning the calendars to 2014 before I know it.  Be thankful for what you have and appreciate each and every day, because time moves so fast.

This is Halloween...

This is Halloween...

 

The anticipation grows, the thought of sweet candies plucked into little mouths, smiles spread across their faces.  Is this the devil's holiday?  I think not.

 

Son Number One told me several kids in his class think that Halloween is the devil's holiday.  I can only think this is being spread by their churches, because we live in the South, and churches have a way of incorporating ideas into small children's heads.  (This is not always a bad thing). 

 

In the United States, Halloween is a secular holiday.  The point of the holiday is for children to go door to door in cute costumes and gather candy.  Can you see the devil in these children?  Ha-just kidding. 

 

 

 

Where did Halloween come from?  All sources point to a 2000 year old Celtic tradition, called the Festival of Samhain.  Halloween comes at the time right between Fall and Winter, where coldness is coming in, concepts such as life and death were being addressed, and the lands will soon be fallow.  The Celts dressed up in costumes and lit bonfires to ward off bad spirits or ghosts, probably as a way to seek protection for the coming harshness of the winter.  Also, a pagan holiday, and nothing to do with the devil. 

 

Later in the 8th Century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as All Saint's Day.  This is a day to celebrate saints and martyrs.  October 31 became All Hallows' Eve, which eventually turned into the secular holiday of Halloween.  In Latin America, All Saint's Day is called the Day of the Dead, in which the people honor their deceased relatives. 

 

Pull out the candy, and get ready for trick or treaters...

 

Happy Halloween!!!

Goal Update: March 20, 2012

I woke up super early this morning.  I lay in bed thinking of 5000 thoughts, as I always do when I have insomnia.

I thought of work yesterday, Taekwondo, friends, family, problems.  I thought of how Darling Daughter looked so cute in her little leotard and how proud I was of how she decided to stop clinging to me and stepped off onto the floor yesterday.  She found herself bouncing along on the trampoline, then she did the balance beam, and jumped off the mats.  Then all of a sudden, she was having a good time.  Just like that.  A snap of the fingers, and her mood changed.  I was more surprised than anyone else there, after she clung to my arms for the last four weeks!

My little princess in her new leotard!

I thought about good things and bad things.  I thought of problems I need to deal with.  I thought about how I signed up for Pinterest, but I don't really have time to search the net and pin things to an imaginary board.  I thought about how funny our world has become, obsessed with computer and technology.  I'm one of those people, so no judgement. 

Then I decided to wake up, step out of bed, have a cup of coffee and write. 

My weight loss and exercise goals are going splendidly.  I'm a little obsessed.  Ok, really I'm a lot obsessed.  I feel the need to go to Taekwondo at least five times a week.  I NEED to go.  I physically feel so much better when I have had my afternoon workout.  The exercise balances me out.  I enjoy the atmosphere too, usually, and the people who go so that makes it more worthwhile.  My weight stayed the same this week.  A few things happened.  I completely lost my appetite, and several days MyFitnessPal told me I wasn't eating enough calories.  Sometimes, I just don't have time to eat dinner.  I'll be at gymnastics with one of the kids, drop him/her off with Rob, and keep going.  I don't want to stuff a sandwich down my throat before working out for an hour, and afterwards it's usually 8:30 or 8:45, and who wants to eat that late?  Anyway, it's harder to lose weight when your body goes in starvation mood, so I started making a concerted effort to actually eat. 

Then on Saturday, we had a BBQ.  Or, um, a grill out.  Whatever the heck it is called!  I drank A LOT, and I ate potato salad A LOT and cole slaw A LOT.  Oh, and I had one piece of key lime pie.  YUMMY!!!  One day won't kill you, but the next day I had a piece of chocolate mousse pie.  I then took that to my co-workers so they could indulge and make their thighs bigger, instead of me making mine bigger!!!

So anyway, after a weekend of eating and drinking A LOT, I jumped back on the wagon yesterday.  So all this to say, no weight loss this weekend.  I maintained.

As far as tennis goes, Hubby and I are still playing.  We played once last week on Tuesday.  When we were done I was pouring sweat.  I don't know how we're going to play as it gets hotter and hotter.  I will have to bring a lot of deodorant, and probably leave my hair off for an hour or so afterwards.  That's the nice thing about not having hair.  It can't get sweaty if you don't let it.  I'm really dreading the 120 degree summer heat we have coming to us.  Since it is almost 90 degrees in March, I know we must be in for it this summer!

Marriage is constantly on my list of goals.  I had some good and some not-so-good memories of Hubby's and my past this week.  We had our anniversary of meeting.  We mention it every year.  I guess getting past the hump of ten years was a huge accomplishment.  Marriage is so hard though.  Communication and trust are key players, and when they are missing it can make everything seem so much worse than it really is.  I read a little bit about companionate love this week.  I thought about companionate love in relationships versus romantic love, limerent love, infatuation and passion.  I tried to think about these concepts of love in my relationship with Hubby.  I keep telling myself it takes two people to tango, and when one is all in and the other isn't then it's not going to work.  I know this is vague, but I'm not willing to go into details on here.  So let's just leave it at the fact that I need to put myself more "in" to help fix the problems that have cropped up over the last eleven years.

Writing has become sort of natural to me.  I write every day now.  I sit down and work on my story for a few minutes each day.  Some days I make a ton of progress, but other days it is slow going.  I just go with the flow.  Some days I wonder where my characters are going, and what they are thinking.  It's interesting though, because it's almost like they begin to take on personalities of their own.  I know what they would and wouldn't do.  I know how they will treat each other, and how they will react to certain situations.  Character development is almost like familiarizing yourself with a newborn baby, and slowly watching this/her personality develop.  I love it, and it is a wonderful outlet for me.  I have not submitted anything yet, because I just don't think I'm ready.  I'm getting there though.

Before my Dreams

As I lay in bed at night, I often pen blogs in my head, whole blogs.  I usually want to pull myself out of bed and jot down some words but I often don't.  For as long as I can remember, I have invented stories as a way to put myself to sleep.  Sometimes these are epic stories.  Just the other night, my mind created half of a novel, and I began typing away at it on Sunday. Sometimes my imagination is out of control.

Before I waited for the sweet veil of sleep to fall upon me last night I thought:

So much has happened over the last few months.  I feel more alive than I did before November.  In November, I woke up one day feeling so lost. I looked at my life, and I didn't know who I was anymore.  I didn't know what I wanted to be.  I began searching, deep within myself, to figure out what it was/is that I need/ed. I STOPPED trying to pretend I was someone I'm not.  I STOPPED worrying so much about other people's expectations.  I put one foot forward, and I took a gigantic leap by starting this blog.  I love having this outlet.

I realized so much about myself over the past few months.

1) I have to write.  I don't care if no one reads my blog, but I absolutely positively have to do this for my mental health.

2) I have to exercise.  Again, for my mental health.  Exercising makes me feel so refreshed.  I feel like a new person, and I know I am a much happier Mom and wife when I exercise.

3) I have to stop pushing away pain. I wear my emotions on my shoulders most of the time.  I, after all am an ENFP (Extrovertl, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving), but I tend to push painful experiences to the bottom of the pile.  I repress those emotions and memories that are too hard for me to deal with.  If you do this, you'll wake up one November morning and all that pain will be right there, centrally located in your heart.  You'll feel anguish at never having dealt with the past and you'll feel, unjustly, that you wish you could make it all go away.  The pain will go away once you have faced it and released it.  LET.IT.GO.  Three simple words yet so hard to do.

4) The meaning of life is within all of us.  I had a few days where I was in a deep funk (oh, ok, more like six months).  Looking back it was probably/still is depression.  But I pondered a deeper meaning of life.  I pondered the existence of God in a seemingly God-less world.  I pondered what more there could be to this existence.  I asked myself what my life meant and at first I didn't know.  But, I realized the meaning of life is within all of us.  Life is what you make of it: the happiness you bring to yourself, the laughter on your child's face, the community you surround yourself with, and the memories you leave behind.  I feel like I'm actively trying to make my life have meaning now, and I'll tell you--it's a wonderful feeling.

6) I just pulled a Mr. Jones and skipped 5!  Speaking of Mr. Jones--friends are amazing.  I am an extrovert (see # 3), and I really have to be with a solid community of friends.  I always have.  My husband and my family simply aren't enough to appease my social desires.  This year I decided that I was really going to reach out and establish a more solid network of friends.  I've succeeded in this so far.  I have made awesome, amazing, vibrant friendships this year.  I have a huge support system in my life now, and that is so important to me.  I need pretty much constant friend interaction to sustain my social life, and I have it.  It feels amazing to have people in my life who are there to back me up and who I know would do anything for me.

I also pondered these more mundane things right before I feel asleep last night:

1) What in the world did I do with the Valentine's Day list for Son #1's class and when is the $4 due?

2) Why can't I EVER win at Words with Friends.  Seriously, I hate that game so much that I love it.

3) My clothes are starting to hang off of me. YAY!!!  I'm not sure if I have money to buy new ones.

4) I hope the kids all stay in their bed tonight (they didn't!)

(You may be wondering where the normal Tuesday update is.  I'm holding it over until next week.  I was too sick to accomplish much of it last week, so the goals will just be held over to next.  Good news is: I actually did clean the other two bathrooms!  Yay!)

Super Bowl Sunday

Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday: The Giants vs. The Patriots.  Hubby and I were invited to a gathering at Cuco's, a local Mexican restaurant, with Hubby's soccer team.  Hubby is currently playing indoor soccer with the Y.M.C.A.  He is the goalie.  I dragged the kids over there to watch him today, but most of the time I ended up chasing the kids around.  They are not full fledged sports watching fans yet (can't say I blame them!).

We arranged for my Mom to babysit, although when we arrived we noticed that almost everyone had brought their children (Our children, at least the youngest two, would not have lasted the whole game).  Also, almost all of the people there were Giants fans, and oh yeah, we were the only Gringos besides the girlfriend of somebody whose name I didn't catch. 

All of the people who gathered there last night were from somewhere in South America: Brasil, Argentina, Ecuador, Bolivia.  The men and the women separated (except for me, the other Gringo girl, and the Brasilian wife).  The women watched the little ones, and the men talked shouted about politics and other philosophies in Spanish.  Hubby leaned over to me more than once to see what they were saying, but my Spanish is so rusty I was catching maybe every other word.  I felt like saying "Mas despacio por favor" (slower please) half the night, but I was really just eavesdropping anyway!

They brought hubby tequila.  They said it was so sweet it taste like wine, and you are supposed to sip on it instead of shoot it down.  Hubby told me to take a sip, and I'll tell you tequila is not something I ever want to sip on, even if it is sweet and smooth.  Darling Daughter's cardiologist also happened to be there.  He's from Argentina.  He brought Hubby three or four shots of that "sweet" tequila.  I'm wondering right about now how Hubby is going to get up for work today. 

I love the Hispanic culture.  When we entered the room everyone went around shaking hands (and kissing cheeks), introducing themselves around the room and greeting even strangers like old friends.  I told Hubby we should do that at our next party. 

And the Super Bowl was exciting.  Hubby would disagree.  He is a HUGE Patriots fan.  At first, he was almost gloating as they were winning and talking smack by text to one of his friends.  Then at the end as things began to unfold, I thought he might have an aneurysm.  I always joke that I am pulling for the other team, but in reality I usually don't care one way or other.  I'm not a huge football fan.  I watch it mainly because Hubby watches it, and I usually go for the underdog.  The game was exciting , the commercials good, I enjoyed Madonna, and the company was fantastic, what more could you ask for?

Hubby spoke to a few of the guys afterwards and mentioned having a barbecue at our house towards the end of the soccer season.  We went around receiving kisses and hugs from everyone, and then came home to a quiet house.

Taekwondo Testing Saturday

Today was taekwondo testing for Son #1 and me.  We are both first level green belts.  Testing consists of three skill tests: a) form, b) contact skill, and c) sparring.  As you all know, I have been under the weather this week.  I actually woke up feeling GREAT this morning.  For the first day this week, I was able to swallow food without feeling stabbing pain in my throat.  I was super excited, because this meant I could test for my new belt. 

I arrived at school early to warm up.  (Hubby brought Son #1 and Son #2 later, as Son #1's testing was after mine).  Miranda Grace and I practiced our form.  The green belt form is called the plant form.  Then the Master called us all to the floor.  (Hubby arrived around this time with the boys).  We warmed up:

(Yes, thank you to the Hubsters for taking all the great photos, even some that I didn't want him to take!)

Miranda Grace and I are ready to test!  (We did not realize that we were first up, but this was seconds before we were called to do our form):

I did well with my form.  I only was nervous when I had to turn my back to the judges.  That always makes me nervous for some reason.  And for some reason there are no photos of the form, but take it from me it was good!

Then we did our contact skill.  First level green belts have two contact skills: hammer fist and knifehand strike.  We were allowed to choose.  I chose hammer fist because it's the most fun!

Then sparring:
(No comments on the sparring gear!  No one looks pretty wearing this stuff!)

Then we watched the higher ranks spar.  They also broke boards.  Afterwards, we lined up and bowed out:

After I finished testing, Son # 1 had his turn.  He did really well!!!  Here are photos from Son #1's testing day:

Son #1 doing his form

Setting up for his knife hand contact skill

Sparring

Exhausted.

Now we just have to make sure we receive no phone call over the weekend, and if not we're cleared for the Awards Ceremony on Tuesday night when we'll become second level green belts.  

Goal Update: January 31, 2012

Well, I did it!  I lost a whole 20 pounds!  It took me 2 months, almost exactly to do.  That is 2 pounds per week for those of you who can do math, or a little bit more for the months that don't have 5 weeks!  I need to lose 40 more.  I'm motivated to do it this time.  I realized the other day why I'm motivated to lose the weight.  This time around I'm doing it for myself.

The first time I *really* needed to lose a lot of weight was when I came back from Argentina.  I didn't realize how big I had grown over there.  I ate a lot of empanadas and a lot of alfajores (Argentine cookies).  None of the foods I ate were particularly good for me.  I walked a lot, but I was eating out and drinking TOO MUCH.  

When I came home, Mom and Dad took us out to the Peking Palace for Chinese food.  Peking Palace was our family's favorite restaurant while I was growing up.  My Mom and Dad loved their Sizzling Rice Soup.  I loved their Egg Drop Soup.  When we walked in the Chinese lady said, "My have you grown."  She was blunt and rude.  We haven't been back since. Hearing those words from her  was eye-opening and made me want to lose weight.  I wanted to do it for appearances, not really for myself.

I began riding my bike about 10 miles a day with Jon (my friend from high school), while I waited to go back to college, to get on with my life.  By the time I arrived back at American, I had lost about 20 pounds.  I continued to lose by eating more healthily.  I also became a vegetarian around the same time, which really helped with the weight loss.

The second time I really had to lose weight, I did it for Hubby and my wedding.  I lost 50 pounds.  I kept it off for two years, until I became pregnant with Son #1.  Since then, I've always struggled to take the weight off in between pregnancies.  I have led more and more of a sedentary lifestyle.  Now, I'm willing to do something about it FOR ME, not for anyone else.

I met most of my goals from last week.  I attended taekwondo four times (or more).  I actually went to three classes today.  I needed the stress relief, but now I sort of feel like I can't remove myself from this chair!  I attended a lunch class, the Family Class with Son #1, and then the evening adult class.  I love the way I feel after working out hard, like I have a whole new lease on life.  Plus, I absolutely adore my taekwondo friends.

Bathrooms: What a chore.  I did two out of four.  Two out of four ain't bad, is it?  I'll do the other two tomorrow.  Plus, I need to vacuum.  Do you know how much I abhor housework?  My Mom does.

Leg Throws:  Hubby and I did well with these at the beginning of the week, but he strained his neck and hasn't done any more.  I did them one day without him.  I really need to stick with this strength training exercise.  Leg throws definitely increase and strengthen my ab muscles as well as my leg muscles.

Oh yeah, and I didn't get sick, and I DID lose the 1 pound!!!  YAY!!!

Goals for next week:

1.  Vacuum downstairs every day.

2.  Test for my 2nd Level Green Belt and Advance in Level!

3.  Walk -- Taekwondo takes a week break usually after testing, so I'll have to seek other  exercise next week.

4.  I'm going BIG -- Lose 1.5 pounds!

Let's see if I can pull it off!

5:30 AM, Nice to See You Again

It's 5:30.  I've been up since 4:30.  Thinking.  I thought the other day that I think too much.  Sometimes, I wish I could quiet my mind.  I have a thinking problem.

I was remembering how we used to go to Harper's Ferry, just Hubby and me, to walk the trails.  We would climb up the mountain, our leg muscles feeling sore towards the ascent to the top.  We'd break through the trees, and the sight of the little town by the river down below was breathtaking.  Awe-inspiring and wonderful.  So much has happened since then.

We were better when we were by ourselves, free to do what we wanted with each other.  Now we're together but apart.  I've been trying so hard to reach that mountain peak again.  I've been trying so hard to take a huge gulp of that fresh air.  I know it's waiting for me at the top: the feeling of togetherness. There's something so magical about being able to look down and see a whole town laid out for you.  Wouldn't it be amazing to see your life in that way? 

Tired

I had a post to write today.  I was going to do my normal routine.  Pick up kids, take Son #1 to taekwondo, then go to taekwondo myself, come home and blog, but I'm tired.

I wasn't productive at work today, because I'm tired.  Tired of trying.  Tired of being stuck.  Tired of writing the same old thing.  Tired of the same old job.  Just plain tired.

Darling Daughter's Day

Darling Daughter and I drove up to Birmingham to see my friend, Cecilia, who I've known since high school.  The drive was wonderful.  I listened to music: Snow Patrol, Mumford and Sons, Keane, Pavement, Flaming Lips.  I sang.  Darling Daughter slept the whole way.  

We arrived in Birmingham around 1:15 and promptly went to Cecilia's house to pick her up.  We were starving.  Darling Daughter was chirping, "Eat" from the back seat every few minutes as we made our way to a little Greek restaurant in Homewood.  I love Greek food, and there is only one place you can get it in Montgomery, so when I go to Birmingham I always want to eat at this little restaurant.

We had an appetizer platter with hummos, tzatziki, and some pink dip that was delightful (and salty!).  I ordered a gyro.  Darling Daughter loved the tazatsiki and dipped several pita chips into it.  She also liked the gyro meat.  She is my best eater by far.

After lunch, Cecilia and I took Darling Daughter to the playground across the street.  She enjoyed herself immensely, all while maintaining a firm grip on the red lollipop I had bought for her at the restaurant! Cecilia snapped this great picture of her using her iphone. I'm still amazed at how well cellphone photos turn out.  Technology is improving so quickly!

The little red bow in her hair (that you can hardly see) stayed there for a few hours.  She was wearing blue, so with the lack of hair everyone thought she was a boy.  While at the park, two people called her a boy then corrected themselves when they saw the little red bow.  In my opinion, she's too pretty to be mistaken for a boy!

Darling Daughter also dragged her pink blankey around while she was playing.  She is a attached to her blanket, just like her Mommy and her Aunt before her.  Cecilia snapped this photo of us together, and I love it.  We look so happy, me to be with her and she to have her lollipop and blanket!

After the playground, we decided to go to the outlets.  Cecilia and I discussed kids, love, and life.  I love the fact that she and I have been friends for so long.  Even when we don't talk for awhile, we can still come back and enjoy each others' company and it's as though we were never apart.  There's a lot of value to be found in lifelong friends.  They know you better than anyone else in your life, and they're accepting of your flaws and your enthusiasm!

We visited a few stores at the outlet.  We talked some more.  Darling Daughter walked around and danced in the corridors while singing her favorite song, "Baa Baa Black Sheep."  Then Cecilia and Darling Daughter played in the play area by the food court.  They enjoyed canoeing.

(And yes, I did change her outfit.  At the Greek restaurant, Darling Daughter had managed to stick her sleeve into the tzatziki, so I changed her clothes during a quick diaper change! No one can mistake her for a boy with that outfit on!)


Then it was time to go home.  We swung by Cecilia's place to pick up my ipod, which was charging while we were hanging out.  Darling Daughter fell asleep within five minutes of being placed in her carseat.  I enjoyed some Fleetwood Mac, Beatles, and Elliot Smith on the way home.  What a fun way to spend a Saturday!

The Morning After

Last night I belly laughed so hard, so today my stomach muscles hurt.  I was hanging out with friends and just feeling so in touch with my humorous side again.  I don't think I have laughed that hard since college. 

I have found a new, great group of friends.   I absolutely love the beginning of new friendships.  I love sharing stories,interests, and ideas.  I love the feeling of finding someone who you can completely be yourself with.  I love philosophical conversations and trying to find out why other people believe what they believe.  I love trying to explain the university universe and trying to figure out why we're all here. 

I feel so happy today.  This week, I feel happier than I have felt in months.  I feel like I am finding myself again.  I was once lost and now I'm found.  There is something so simplistic about this statement, but so true.  I remember as a child singing Amazing Grace and not understanding the meaning of the song.  But, now I do.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Now if only I could figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Sparring

One of my friends asked me to write a blog about sparring.  At first, I really didn't know what I would write.  Sparring is a free form fighting used for training in taekwondo.  I absolutely love sparring!

It's funny, when I was young I dated this guy and he would always have dreams about fighting.  I thought it was the strangest thing.  He seemed to thrive on the idea of fighting.  I didn't understand it, but now I do.  Defending yourself and defending those you love is important in life.  Taekwondo gives one the ability to put self-defense into action.  Sparring tests the skills I've been learning since I was a white belt. 


Sparring Gear:

This is what we wear while sparring.  I look pretty funny in this gear, plus the mouth piece, but it is necessary to wear to prevent injury.  The shoes, in particular, feel strange on your feet, but they really protect your feet when you do kicks. There are also elbow pads and leg pads (not pictured above).

I started sparring last week.  At first, I was intimidated by the other belts in the class.  I'm a lowly first level green belt, which means I'm the lowest rank that can spar.  I have less experience, and so for most of our sparring rounds I end up just blocking!  I'm trying to work on some cool combos: Front Kick, Jab Reverse Punch, Side Kick, Jump Spin Side kick.  I have all these great ideas in my head, but they don't actually come to fruition when I'm sparring.

Sometimes, Miranda Grace and I spar.  She absolutely beats the crap out of me.  She is fierce, at kicking and punching, and just reining down numerous combinations on me all at once!  Yesterday, I sparred another one of my friends, and he just kept performing front kicks over and over again.  I just sort of stood back and watched, then I started kicking and hitting him, but he's about 8 inches taller than me, and honestly I did not do very well.

After sparring, when I take my gear off, I'm just a ball of sweat.  Gross, I know, but at least we know we're getting a good workout!  Maybe, one of these days, I'll share a photo or video of me sparring...just maybe.

Yesterday

Yesterday

Yesterday was humorous.

Yesterday I had a lot of energy.

Yesterday, Hubby and I went to the

Probate Office to renew our driver’s licenses.

While there, we had to take new photos. I smiled for

my photo. The lady in the booth handed me my temporary card. 

“Review your information for accuracy,” she said. I looked at the card. 

My new address was there. My eye color: brown. My hair color: brown. I paused,

and I looked at her and said, “Should I change my hair color to bald?” She looked at me confused, 

“You have hair.” “It’s just a wig,” I said. Hubby took his photo too. He asked if he could keep his old

photo. I asked why. He said, “Because I had more hair then!”  It happens to the best of us, going bald.

Last night, Hubby and I decided to play “Duck, Duck, Goose,” with the boys. Son #1 was excited. He said 

it is his favorite baby game. Because that’s what it is, a baby game, he said. Son #2 was excited

too, but apparently he has not played very much. We sat in a circle in the middle of our

living room. Son #1 started, “Duck, Duck, Duck, GOOSE!” as he tapped Son #2

on the head. Son#2 began chasing Son#1 around. Son#1 kept running

and missed Son #2’s spot. Then Son #2 tagged Son #1, and

Son#2 was “it.” Yes, this is backwards. Son #2 starts

and he pats my head, “Duck-Goose,” he says

then he pats Son #1, “Duck-Goose,”

then he pats Dad, “Duck-Goose.”

I guess he just didn’t

understand.

Weekly Weight Loss Update: January 24, 2012

I have lost 19 pounds.  That’s almost, but not quite, 20 pounds.  By the end of January I will have lost 20 pounds.  I’m on my way there.  Here are some items that weigh 20 lbs: an automobile tire, a sack of potatoes, and one of my children at a year old (on average).  Yeah, I’ve lost a whole one year old…almost.  I only have two more one-year olds to lose.  I guess that’s appropriate, for every childi gave birth to I put on twenty pounds.  Really that’s incredible to think about.  Thank God I didn’t have more than three!

I was not particularly good at achieving my goals this week.  In fact, you could call me a slacker.  I did lose 3 pounds instead of the 1 pound goal I set for myself, but I think that was due mainly to the 24-hour stomach bug that I had.  Overall, I did well with my eating habits, except for my dinner and drinks with Sis, Bro-n-law, and Hubby on Saturday.

I did not clean the bathrooms.  I hate cleaning the bathrooms.  It seriously takes me about ten minutes to do this chore, so why do I dread it so much?  I’ll tell you why: I live in a house with 3 boys. Boys are disgusting in the bathroom, and I’m left cleaning their pee off the floor and their poop from the inside of the porcelain throne.  I’m supposed to hire a maid once a month and she can clean the bathrooms but until then I’ll have to do it.  Hubby DID clean the guest bathroom before people came over on Saturday.  Thanks for that!

Leg throws are the bane of my existence.  Okay, that was fairly dramatic.  I’m exaggerating.  I’ve been known to do that from time to time.  I think I did leg throws maybe three times this week.  I don’t feel horribly about that though, because I made it to taekwondo four times this week and we did a lot of aerobic workout, push-ups, leg throws, and sit ups so I know I had SOME strength training.  Hubby on the other hand: he was just being lazy! 

Push-ups took the same route as leg throws.  This week, I think I’m going to make my goals more attainable.

Goals for the upcoming week:

·        Four Days of Taekwondo

·        Don’t get sick – in reality I have no control over this, but I don’t want to be sick this week so the power of positive thinking is going to help me achieve this goal!

·        Clean the bathrooms – hold over from last week.  This will be done!

·        20 leg throws – These are here again, but I’m removing push-ups.  Hubster will be happy!

·        Lose 1 pound totaling 20 pounds total lost!

Blog Game

Blog Game

My cousin Reagan sent me this blog game, and I thought why not? It will make my Saturday morning post really easy! So here goes.

the rules:

1. you must post the rules

2. post eleven facts about yourself on the blog post

3. answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post,

and then create eleven new questions the people you've tagged

4. tag people and link them on your post

5. let them know you've tagged them.

Eleven Facts About me:

1. I have Alopecia Areata.  I'm bald, and I've struggled with hair loss from this disease since I was 5 years old.

2. I love to read, but since having 3 children I don't have as much time for it.

3. In High School, I was on the tennis team.

4. I am still friends with a group of girls that I've known since 5th Grade (and some longer). It's wonderful to have such amazing people in my life!

5. I love to travel.  I've been to Costa Rica, Argentina, Peru, Bolivia, Paraguay, Canada, US (cross-country trip), Spain, Italy, Bonaire, and The Cayman Islands.  I can't wait until I can travel to some place new again!

6. I'm open minded, and I try to give everyone a chance. 

7. I'm always smiling.  Some people say this is my best quality. 

8. I love to write, and I've been writing short stories and partial novels since I was about 7 years old.  I have them all in a big box upstairs, and I need to start scanning them before the ink fades.  (Oh yeah, that's when people wrote on paper instead of computers!)

9. I had a Pen Pal that I met in the Caymans when I was 12 that I kept in touch with for 6 years.  Bonnie Lomax, where are you?

10. I've never been good at letting go, because I have lucid memories.  I feel like I can almost touch the past.  This is something I'm working on though, because as someone once said "hindsight is like foresight without a future."

11.  I have a bad temper.  This is something I "actively" worked on last year, and it has gotten much better.  I often have to put myself in timeout when the kids are frustrating me!

Questions from Reagan:

1. If you didn't have to work, would you? Why, or why not? Nope, if I didn't have to work I would stay at home with my kids.  I'd like to think that I'd also do some community service on the side to show my kids the value of helping others.

2. What was the hardest thing you have experienced in your life, so far? This is a hard question.  I guess: heartbreak and letting go of someone I couldn't have.

3. If you could live anywhere in world, where would it be? Probably in Italy or maybe in South America somewhere.  I speak Spanish, not Italian, so maybe a Spanish speaking country would be better.

4. What is your hidden talent?  I can touch my tongue to my nose.  Seriously.

5. What is your favorite book or TV show?  I have 2 favorite books: Love in the Time of Chloera and East of Eden.

6. What's your biggest fear? Something happening to one of my kids.

7. What's you favorite bit of advice anyone has ever given you? From my Mom and I used to hate it when she said this, "You meet a lot of frogs before you meet the handsome prince."  She also said, "It's just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man." (That second piece of advice was not as helpful to me, because I married a poor one! LOL)

8. Do you believe in guardian angels? No, not really.

9. What was you favorite age so far? Probably in my 20s.

10. If you could change something in your past, would you?  Maybe one thing.

11. Do you dream in color? Yes, doesn't everyone?


Questions for:

Jenny
David
Michelle


1. If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be?

2. If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?

3. What did you study in college?

4. Who is your favorite actor?

5. Have you ever traveled outside of the country?  If so, where?

6. Do you have a hobby?  What is it?

7. Do you have any pets?

8. Do you believe in God?  Why or why not?

9. What was the BEST thing that ever happened in your life?

10. Do you believe in soulmates?  Why or why not?

11. What are you going to do today?

Loving/Hating

Today while wasting a few minutes at work, I read an article about the Lovings. The Lovings were an interracial couple who married in 1960's Virginia, despite a law against miscegenation.  They were evicted from their home and told they could go to prison or leave town.  They left town, going to Washington D.C., and from there they began fighting for their love and the right to live as they wanted, together.
I read this article, and I looked at the photos of this amazing family.  This family blazed the trail for thousands of interracial couples.  They, along with other Civil Rights fighters, changed the world for a better place.  They lead the way towards acceptance, not blind HATE.

People are really scared of what they don't know.  People have preconceived notions of others.  This leads to hate, misunderstanding, racism, prejudices, and nonsense laws to protect who?  I look at the Lovings story, and I think how far the US has come since then.  I live in the South, and I see plenty of interracial couples.  No one drinks at a colored fountain anymore.  We all go to school together, but still I see racism.  I see HATE.  It comes from both sides, black and white.  HATE comes in so many forms, and to me I see it most when people just don't understand differences. The Lovings supported marriage of any kind, because they were in LOVE.

I support marriage for anyone who is in love.  Why not?  It is their choice.  It does not affect me.  They are in LOVE with each other.  It's funny to me, because the proponents AGAINST gay marriage also claim they are for smaller government, but banning gay marriage IS BIG GOVERNMENT.  It's government getting involved in one of the most important decisions of your life: Who you will spend the rest of your life with.  It's also government banning these people from receiving the same tax benefits as heterosexual married couples.  If two gay people are in love and they get married, then why is it the government's business?  They are expressing their love, living together as a family, and they deserve to have this right just like anyone else. 

I realize that a lot of people have problems with gay marriage because of religion.  I believe in God.  I believe in a God who is loving, caring, and supporting of all people.  I don't believe in a God who would send you to Hell for being gay, for loving someone of the same sex, something to me that you most likely are innately born with: sexuality.  Like the Lovings said, you can't control who you fall in LOVE with.  Why HATE someone for that?

Changing

Today is Hubby's birthday.  This is the 11th birthday we have spent together.  We met in March 2001, so not quite 12 birthdays.  We are going out this weekend for a nice dinner with my sister and her husband.  We'll probably have drinks too.  It will be wonderful to celebrate *sin* children.  Carefree.

I can hardly believe there have been 11 birthdays since I met him.  I was about to turn 22, and he had just turned 23.  Now he is turning 34.  Old.  We're getting old, and we're changing.  So much has happened since 2001.  I look back, and I wonder am I even the same person?  Is he the same person?  Are we the same couple?

Of course the answer is "no."  We're not.  Everyone changes.  Everyone grows, priorities change, responsibilities are born, and I look back and I can barely recognize my 22 year old self, much less Hubby's 23 year old self.  We were so young, and we were so full of idealism.  I wanted to save the world.  I was scared shitless of graduating from college and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.   

Sometimes change is so hard.  Usually new and better things come with change, yet I get anxious about making monumental decisions in my life.  At 22, or rather 21 1/2, I was in a destructive pattern.  I was pushing away my friends, and I drank a lot, and I did not know where I was going or how my life would turn out.  I had Hubby (before he was Hubby) there for me, supporting me through it, and yet I didn't sense his presence in my life.  How many times have you had that feeling?  Being so alone yet being with someone.  That's how I felt.  I took people for granted at that age, including my *now* husband.  I still take him for granted, most of the time.  He does so much for me, and he is an amazing father, and yet sometimes I'm so ungrateful. 

Marriage is hard, and it gets harder the longer you stick with it.  Don't let anyone tell you it isn't.  Is it worth it?  I don't know.  A lot of times I just want to be alone, but I can't fathom life without the feeling of wholeness that comes from our family unit.  I have to remember that I vowed it would be, "for better or worse" and "in good times and in bad".  Isn't that what a true friend is: Someone who will support you when you're at your worst and let you lean on them?  That's what a husband and a wife are supposed to be to each other.

I look back at my 21 1/2 year old self, and there are some things that I wish I could change.  There are some things I really regret.  Everyone has those regrets, big or small.  I don't regret meeting Hubby.  He has been my rock when I needed him the most.  He has put up with all my crap through 9 moves, 3 children, several jobs, depression, anxiety, and a number of other issues we've faced TOGETHER.

It's nice to have someone you can depend on to help you weather the storm. 

I love you Hubby.  Here's hoping for 60 or 70 more birthdays.  Just put the cigarettes down and it may happen! (Ok-that wasn't very nice!)  I'm grateful that you're in my life.  I'm sorry last year was so tough, and I hope this one will be better for us.

Weekly Goal Check-up and Setting

It's that time of the week again for me to look at my weekly goals from last week and set them for this week.  I'm a day behind because of the holiday. 


Here were my goals last week:

1. Taekwondo 4 times this week -- this may be a bit of a challenge this week, as I have a PTA Board Meeting on Tuesday.  Accomplished, including a killer workout on Friday!

2. 75 Crunches a night  I did this every day, except for last Friday.  I could barely move when I got home from taekwondo!

3. 20 Push-ups a night  Done.  I can tell I'm getting stronger. Still doing just knee push-ups, but I managed to do a few "boy" push-ups the other day quite easily.

4. Lose 1 pound.  I did not make this goal this week.  I stayed the same.  I'm disappointed in myself, because I started the week off great, and then I made some bad food decisions over the weekend.  The weekend kills me.  I need to focus on what I do and what I eat on the weekends, so I can keep losing weight.

5. Help support Hubby while he tries to quit smoking. Be kinder, gentler, and realize that he is not perfect (none of us are). I'm not sure how well I did at this.  I tried to be supportive, but it is really hard when you have a spouse who does something that you know could possibly kill them.  He knows I hate it, and I am sometimes verbal about it.  I don't like when the kids see him smoking and tell me about it.  I don't know how he is doing with it, because we didn't talk about it this weekend.  I just hope he can find the strength to quit, for himself.

Okay, so overall, not a bad week.  I feel like I just really blew it over the weekend.  We had a small get together with friends and now there is junk food all over my house.  I'm either going to feed it to the kids and let them get really fat, throw it away, or give it away.  If you know me, and you want some chips or brownie bites, just let me know and I'll bring them on over!

In other exciting news, Hubby has been doing the crunches and the push-ups with me at night.  Go Hubby!

Here are my goals for this week:

1.  Taekwondo 4 times this week -- basically this will be on my list every week.
2.  20 leg throws a night -- watch out, these KILL, and we will be doing these at TKD too.
3.  25 push-ups a night.
4.  Lose 1 pound.
5. And the obligatory non-weight/exercise related goal: Clean the toilets.  (Yes, I'm hoping if I put this here, then I'll actually do it!)

Creating Jupiter

Yesterday, Son #1 and I were busy creating Jupiter, so I didn't have a chance to blog.  Son #1 is in the first grade, and he is doing a planet project (and paper).  He chose Jupiter.  I wasn't surprised by his choice of planet.  He and Big Daddy have looked in the telescope and seen Jupiter and the four Galilean moons: Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Calisto. 

Son #1 wanted to do a shoebox.  I suggested doing Jupiter and the four Galilean moons.

We bought styrofoam balls for the planet and the moons.  Next, Hubby ran out and picked up some Crayola Model Magic.  I read that this will make the planet smooth, and easier to paint on.  Ours did crack some, but I think this is because I used a hair dryer to try to quicken the drying process (if you don't use a hair dryer it can take up to 24 hours to dry).

Three of the Galilean moons, already covered in Model Magic, and the styrofoam ball we used for Jupiter.

While these were drying I had the boys glitter paint the black construction paper.  Once they had spread out the glitter, and it had dried, I began hot gluing the paper inside of our box.  You can actually buy diarama boxes, but they are fairly expensive so I just used a wine box my mother gave me.

Our background for the box.

Jupiter and two of the moons drying inside the box.

By the afternoon, the model magic was dry on the moons.  I let Son #1 paint them whatever colors he wanted.  (Make sure to use acrylic paint.  It dries within an hour.)  Our Galilean moons are very colorful, and Son #1 had a great time painting them.

While painting, I stuck a toothpick into his ball to be used as a handle, and Son #1 put them on an empty egg crate to dry.  We only did one coat of paint on the moons.

Today, we woke up and the Model Magic on Jupiter was dry, so I let Son #1 paint.  He chose apricot, nutmeg and a tannish color that we mixed together, and then red for the Big Red Spot.  We did two layers of paint on Jupiter, waiting an hour in between for the first layer to dry.

Jupiter and its Big Red Spot.

Once the moons and planet were dry, I used the hot glue gun to glue on framing hooks.  I attached clear fishing line to the framing hook, tied it, and I glued it to the top of the shadow box and used tape to help secure it as well.  I had to find a larger framing hook and a stabilizer for Jupiter, as the small one did not handle the weight.  I have read that you can also use clear toothpicks to secure it to the bottom of the diarama. I also put a hook nail into the top of the box to hold the fishing line for Jupiter to help support the weight some more.  I hot glued the fishing line into the top of the box, as well.
We made little labels for the moons and the planet.  Here's the completed project:

For some reason, I couldn't get Calisto to line up properly, but overall I think it turned out pretty well!