Xs and Os

I haven't shared my flash fiction in awhile, because I haven't been writing it as much. Between promoting The Devil Within, editing Little Birdhouses, and writing my no-name work-in-progress I haven't had time. But this week, I decided to write for Mid-week Blues-Buster.

The song this week is Little Blue One by Cowboy Mouth, which is an upbeat song about a sad subject. When I heard this song, after not having listened to Cowboy Mouth for years it took me back to a crowded concert venue in Atlanta in the late 90's or early 00's, where I'd gone to visit my childhood friend, Stacy, at college. I hadn't heard them before I attended the concert with Stacy and Andrea and a few other friends, and I immediately liked their music.

Fair warning: the subject matter is about divorce or the end of a relationship. 

Here's the song if you'd like to have a listen: 

So here's the Dear Jane letter...

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Xs and Os
554 words
@laurenegreene

Dear Jane,

The dream again. Your face. But when I wake up you’re not beside me in the ocean swell of what-used-to-be our king sized bed. The room wreaks of your ghost. I pretend not to think of you. I tell my repetitive thoughts to still the image of you in my mind as I pour two cups of coffee instead of one for the third time this week. Without thought, I pour the second one down the drain. I think about picking up the extra cup and smashing it against the wall, but instead I set it in the sink and think about how you would have told me to “just put it in the dishwasher.”

The photos of you and me in the Caymans eating turtle soup. The smile on your face is eternal. You don’t live here anymore with me, but every waking moment I have to tell myself you’re gone. Today, I’ll take the photos down. It’s been six months, and I know you’re not coming back. I’ll put them in boxes, and I’ll wrap them up, and it will be like our life together never existed. That’s what you wanted.

When your text pinged my cell at 2 AM, I had to stumble from the couch where I’d fallen asleep watching Geraldo. I knocked the half empty bottle of wine onto the rug. You remember that rug, don’t you? We spent four hours debating on whether to get blue wool or the checkered cotton at Pottery Barn. I, like the sales clerk, wanted to gouge out my eyes with knives before you’d make up your mind. Back and forth. Wishy washy. That was always your way. Maniacal laughter erupted from my lips when I thought how ironic it was that this rug, your baby, your precious, had been left in my incapable hands. It’s in the green trashcan waiting for pickup on the curb now. So long sucker.

The laughter turned to tears when I read your text. “I want an annulment.” The words stung. Married for six years and just like that you wanted to pretend we didn’t exist. Well maybe you didn’t exist, but I did. I waited for you, lost in your blue world of depression as you were. I stuck with you when no one did. I made sure they pumped your stomach. I made sure you didn’t die on the pink title floor of our bathroom by sticking my finger down your throat. Covered in your puke and half-digested pills, I helped get you to the hospital. I saved your life…literally. And I helped you find your way. Even if that way was away from me.

So, my little blue one, now that you’ve found your way you want to pretend that none of it ever happened? Move on, put me behind you and that period of your life when you couldn’t control yourself. You couldn’t control your emotions.

The answer is no. I’ll grant you a divorce, but not an annulment. Because not every day was filled with vomit and fights over rugs. I walked on the beach with you. I kissed you under a gazebo. I imagined our life together, complete with babies, and I thought I’d be with you forever. I can’t pretend that never existed.

Xs and Os, the answer is no.

--John

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Thought of a Day: The best way to help a newbie author like me is to read, review, and recommend their book!

On Being a Self-Published Author

I'm not quite yet a self-published author, but I will be tomorrow.  And let me tell you, there's nothing easy about being a self-published author. In fact, (excuse my language) it takes a shit ton of work.  I have been promoting the heck out of my book. I've had friends set up twitter feeds.  People are reviewing my book.  I've been trying to get bloggers and websites to promote my book.  There is so much work.

I love to write. It's my passion. I'm not crazy about all the other stuff.  I read, about two years ago, an article about how much time and effort it takes to self publish. I think I brushed it off, put it aside, and went on thinking, "la la la," this will be easy. Well, it's not.

The thing about being an indie author, is sometimes you're not taken seriously.  I tell people I have two full time jobs: executive assistant and writer (I really have more than that because I'm a mother too). And it feels like it. I wake up every morning at 5:15 to: write, edit, send email requests to bloggers, reviewers, format, request covers, upload, etc. This is a time consuming job.  The people who don't want to invest the time into finding the right communities to be part of, into marketing and promoting the heck out of themselves, well, they need to find something else to do. I probably spend about 50% of my time on trying to market my book, and the other 50% writing or editing.

In a perfect world, I could wake up write, edit a little bit, send off to an agent, BINGO, get an acceptance and never look back. But that's not going to happen. Even if I do end up with an agent (one day), I still have to make changes to the book and self promote. Many publishers these days play a hand in the marketing and promotion of books, but they don't do it all.  The bottom line: If you want your book to sell then you have to promote it.  You have to have friends who will share your link. You have to have an active twitter account.  You have to have reviews on Amazon (this is key), Goodreads, and blogs.  Your name and the title of your book needs to be visible on the world wide web.

Anyway, after reading all of this you might ask why I do it? And the reason is simple: I love writing. When you find something you love doing, you might jump through hoops to be able to do it. Plus, I have met some incredible authors who are living the same struggle as I am.  If I had never taken on this endeavor, I would never have met these incredible people, maybe never known their books existed, never been able to help them just as they're helping me.  It's so worth it in the end.

If you would like to read an excerpt of "No Turning Back," you can check it out here: https://awomanswisdom.wordpress.com/2015/01/30/new-release-no-turning-back-by-lauren-greene/

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