Write, Run, Repeat

I’ve been MIA this past week because I had a lot going on. 

 

1)      My sisters came in town from their respective states, and I was surrounded by family: nieces, nephews, brother, sisters, kids, parents. We had a wonderful time, and I always feel like I fall into a bit of a funk when they leave.  The same feeling when you come back from your vacation, and you realize you actually have to live a productive life, instead of just sitting on the beach all day drinking and soaking in the sun.  Yeah, that feeling.  Bummer. 

2)      I’ve been exercising every morning.  Specifically, I’ve been running.  I am so SLOW.  Terrapin slow.  And I crap out around 2 miles.  But I’m making progress.  I have a 5K tomorrow for Walk of Life, and I’m hoping to run the whole 3.18 miles, but I haven’t done it in the last four weeks.  I printed off the map, and I’m going to MAPMYRUN tonight.  My team captain brought me the t-shirt, and its way cuter than last year.  Also it has a chip timer, like last year.  My time last year was 37 minutes or so.  This year I just want to finish in under 40.  I’ve been running consistently 13 minute miles.  (See—I said I was slow).  I can run 11 minute miles too, and I can run faster than that too, but I’m not thinking I will.  I want to focus on my breathing and pacing—focus on the uphill—and just get done with the whole race. 

 

 

3)      I’ve been reading.  I just finished My Reading Life by Pat Conroy.  Underlining book titles reminds me of high school so much!  Anyway, My Reading Life is about books Mr. Conroy read that touched him and influenced his writing.  It’s about his writing life too, even though not titled as such.  There were some hilarious parts in the book, like when he is in Paris and talks about how he is normally a smiley guy, and he had to walk around pretending his mother had just died so he could mirror the French people’s faces.  I also love the part about the negative book rep, because Mr. Conroy didn’t let it bother him at all.  He just rolled with the punches.  Books like this are inspirational to me, as an aspiring writer.  I know I need to read a lot and write a lot to increase my skills, and reading about a famous author’s journey is motivating.  Authors motivate me and certain people motivate me to want to be a better writer.  I’m glad to have read this book, along with Steven King’s On Writing because I find similarities between how they think about writing and how I think about writing.  This gives me hope that one day I might achieve my dreams…er…goals.

4)      I’ve been writing this week—like mad.  I’ve actually written over 10,000 words on a story I started a year ago and never finished.  The funny thing is, working on this story actually makes me feel like I’m back in the past.  I’m not sure why I didn’t finish this one.  The story line is clear, and the plot is already outlined.  The characters seem palpable to me, complete with a jerky guy.  Oh—how I love writing about jerky men—cannot pull myself away from it, and I’m not sure why because I’ve always had great men in my life: my Dad, my husband, my guy friends—seriously, superb human beings.  The story is about a teenage girl, who moves from the North to the South, and she becomes involved with the wrong crowd, including Gideon, a mysterious boy, who tries not to become intimately involved with anyone, even Lana.  When I write I feel tied to my characters, like I’ve created them and the whole world they live in.  I feel they become an extension of me and often I can’t leave them alone until the story is told.  I often think about all the stories I left unfinished, and I wonder what the characters would have developed into if I had played them out.  I can’t fathom leaving any of the characters I’ve created in the last three years hanging out in “no man’s land.”  I have an intense need to tell their story, and then move on.  The only way I can describe it is a kind of magic.  Writing is the part I love—typing it all down, finishing the story, but that’s only part of the whole.  Proof-reading, re-writing, editing line by line, are all the aspects of writing I struggle with.  Sometimes after I’ve read through a story fifty times, still finding mistakes, I just want to shove it on the back of a hard drive and move on with my life.  I find the hardest writing work to be in the fine details.  I could compare it to cleaning up my house, something I’ve never had the desire to actually do.  

 

After this weekend, I plan to rest a bit, and to find a blogging schedule again.  I’m not sure blogging every day is realistic for me, as I try to focus on novel-writing and bigger picture items in my life.  However, I love the outlet of this blog and will continue to update it on an “as-can” basis.  I'm trying to develop purpose in my life and daily goals to live by: write, run, repeat. 

Writing's Role in My Life

I was a writing machine for two weeks.  I finished my second novel.  I need to re-work the ending a bit, but otherwise I think it's pretty good.  Time to send it out and have friends and family edit it for me.  The subject matter is tough, and as such it is not a commercial book.  Literary fiction is not commercial.  Chick lit, like my first novel, or women's fiction, or whatever you want to call it: that's what sells.

I was thinking about women's fiction yesterday, and I thought about how we're all just inherently hopeless romantics. We're all looking for a knight on a white horse: something that doesn't exist in real life.  We all put unrealistic expectations on the people in our lives, mostly out of our own expectations for ourselves and how we expect our life to look. 

I'm currently addicted to the Pink song featuring Nate Reuss (from Fun) called Just Give Me a Reason.  I was thinking about this song, as I listened to it over and over again, and Pink's voice is so heartbreaking.  Relationships are hard.  They make great fodder for television, music and books, because they are such a big part of our life, and because everyone can relate to a failing relationship, a wonderful relationship, and the oh so unrealistic romantic notion of the TV/movie relationship. 

My first novel touches on relationships, mostly with bits and pieces from my own real-life experiences.  I used the idea of unrequited love, because I struggled with this for years in my own life.  As an author, I use my novels to work through struggles I'm having or for concepts I can't grasp.  I use my characters as pawns to work through the problems, or the thoughts that continually go around and around in my head.  Sometimes I finish a work, like Semi-Detached, and I feel completely done with it--time to move on.  Sometimes I finish a work, like my second novel, The Devil Within, and it keeps haunting me.  I think of the unfinished business in the book--I want to go back and tie up all the pieces, make it complete and be able to walk away, but it just doesn't work out that way--very much like a failed relationship without closure. 

I had to step away from the Devil Within, because the subject matter was painful.  The idea of a nine year old being subjected to horrific abuse with a father who spouts it off as the will of God horrified me.  Even in the end, the boy grows up "unsaved."  I've struggled with religion my whole life.  I've struggled with relationships.  I'm one of those people who questions everything, and I seemingly find no answers, except through my writing, and sometimes the answer is unjust, like real life, where things are seldom fair.  I just have to keep on searching, like all the other people in this world who are thrown here together to make an impression and then move on.  That's just life.

In One Year

In One Year:

• I've taken approximately 8,500,000 breaths.
• I've blinked about 7,700,000 times.
• I've slept about 2,555 hours. That's approximately 106.46
• I've drank 1,095 cups of coffee. 
• I've made 3 goals per week for a total of 156 goals per year.
• I've followed through on roughly 117 of those goals.
• I finished writing 1 novel.
• I edited the novel, and I moaned and complained about editing the novel about 60 times.
• I was rejected by 4 agents.
• I read 22 books
• I hugged my kids about 1,825 times...probably more.
• I told someone I loved them about 2,500 times...probably more.
• I did about 208 hours of Taekwondo.
• I cried 26 times.
• I lost 20 pounds
• I gained 10 pounds
• I've laughed 5,475 times. 
• My sons have probably laughed about 109,500 EACH!  The world is funnier when you're smaller, apparently!
• I've worked 2,080 hours.
• I've burned about 200,000 calories
• I've run 1 5K.

These are my yearly accomplishments.  It's funny.  When you're going through your day, you never think about how something looks in a year.  Working 2,080 hours seems insane, but we all do it.  Laughing 109,500 times in a year seems AWESOME!!!  Writing 1 book and running 1 5K were my biggest accomplishments this year. Maybe my next birthday when I do this list again having my book published will be my biggest accomplishment.

For me, goals help me keep track of the big picture.  I've set goals over the last couple of years, and I maintain weekly goals.  I strive for what I achieve; sometimes veering off track and sometimes letting the emotions of the day get in the way.  I always find my way back.  Looking at the big picture like this is fun, but setting yearly goals doesn't help, because it's too overwhelming.  It's more fun to look at your annual successes, to think about how all those weekly goals added up to such a huge success.

People who are successful in weight loss and just in life in general know that goal setting is a huge part of the process.  In order to achieve what you want, you have to go for it.  You have to be able to make realistic goals for yourself and then do something about achieving those goals.  For me, it started with setting a routine.  I want to write 2,000 words a day, so I will.  And yes, sometimes routine gets old, and then you need to change it up.  No one wants ho hum all the time.  If we had ho hum we would never laugh as much as my boys do!

My goal this year (after just saying annual goals don't work) is to LAUGH more.  My goal is to stop rolling my eyes when I think something isn't funny.  My goal is to live in the moment with my kids, to love them and hug them more.  My goal is to listen more. My goal is to feel more satisfied with myself and my achievements and to stop being such a dang perfectionist all the time.  After all, I achieved a lot this year and I have a lot to be proud of and thankful for in my life.

The End of the World As We Know It

I couldn't sleep this morning.  I woke up in my bed, stared at the ceiling, cuddled with a little girl who won't stay in her own bed, then I set one foot on the ground and resigned myself to the fact that today is going to be a very long day.  I don't feel well. I went to bed early, which is why I woke up at 3 AM.  I had my coffee, but I want another cup. 

I'm having writer's block this week.  I don't think I'm necessarily getting discouraged, but maybe that's what it is.  Maybe I'm depressed since I can't run or do Taekwondo.  I don't know.  I am cycling, so at least I'm getting some exercise. 

I'm reading too.  A LOT.  I'm almost done with I Am Legend, which I started on Sunday.  The book reads fast, and you can just imagine Neville's solitude as he is the only person left alive in the world, fighting against something he doesn't quite understand.  I realized why reading it yesterday that I love end of the world books.  I loved The Road.  I loved On the Beach.  These are my favorite kind of books, and I wonder why?  Maybe because usually it is one person trying to triumph over a seemingly lost cause.  The underdog becoming the hero.  Naturally, humans are concerned with the end of the world, things as we know it changing completely, and our habitat becoming uninhabitable.  These thoughts and ideas bring up all sorts of questions, such as: what happens when you die, who or what will inhabit the world after we're gone, and then all the questions about how mankind will most likely be the master of their own demise.  Almost all of the end of the world books occur because of some war, some bomb, some human-made nightmare inflicting pain and hurt on others, as well as ourselves.  Human nature.

My Dad told me this joke this week, I guess he saw it in magazine or something, so I had to look it up.  Here it is:

 



 

It made me laugh, because it's so true!  Humans have a tendency to think they are invincible.  They are the strongest, the most powerful, but the truth is: if we destroy the earth, then we destroy ourselves.  Maybe there is a rhyme behind the reason though.  Maybe mankind is meant to make the world unlivable for themselves, thus making it livable for other species to come.  The dinosaurs died off to make room for the humans.  Maybe we're supposed to die off to make room for something else.  Hopefully not vampires, like in I Am Legend.  That would just be plain scary...

 

My thoughts at 4 in the morning are apparently pretty dark, but I do think this is something we need to think about.  It makes me sad that mankind, so much of the time, has so little regard for their habitat.  It makes me sad there are people out there who are killing themselves and others in the name of religion.  It makes me sad there are megalomaniacs in power who "get off" on touting they will nuke their neighbor, just to have some ego power trip.  Sometimes humans' minds are too powerful for their own good.  Sometimes I think it would be better if we were in a less-complicated world or time...

 

 



An Update for the Weary

This week has been busy and hectic, and I haven't been writing.  Writing at all is better than no writing at all. I've been slowly editing my first draft of my book.  I'm not ready to send it anywhere yet.  I've been slowly working on my second work, plus a short story that seems to be going nowhere fast.  The key word this week: slow. I'm thinking about entering some writing contests too, but I haven't quite gotten there.  I receive emails almost daily from Writer's Digest about some contest or other, and I think maybe it would be a good way to get some recognition making it easier to be published in the long run. So what have I been up to if I haven't been writing or working out or blogging:

Mostly I've been reading.  I'm trying to finish Cloud Atlas.  I absolutely love this book.  Second great book I've read in a row, after finishing Heart of Darkness last week.  Apparently the movie, Apocalypse Now, is based on Heart of Darkness (Oh how I love Wikipedia!).  I'd like to see it, as I never have.  I spent some time with a friend from Taekwondo trying to pull it up on his Netflix, but alas Wi-fi failed us.  There's so much riding on technology these days: such as your next good flick! 

Also, at work I've been quite busy the last couple of days.  I didn't get home until almost 6:00 last night.  All hopes I had of an evening run were squashed, when I sat on the couch with an Amber Ale and I could not force my body to move.  It took all I had to walk up the stairs and read to the kids, much less eat, although Hubby did make some incredible enchiladas.

Speaking of kids, Number One was allergy tested yesterday.  It's about time!  He has dust mite allergies, tree pollen and grass.  Dust mites!  This is bad news for Hubby and me who are notoriously bad cleaners.  Have you ever looked at how much dust mite covers cost?  Gees!  So now Number One is on Flonase and a daily pill for his allergies.  Maybe this will rid him of his almost constant sore throats and headaches.  Here's hoping.  We'll probably wait to invest in dust mite covers until Number Two has been tested (next week).  We already know from experience that Number Two is allergic to cats and dogs, so we'll just wait for his back to light up like a Christmas Tree!!!

Running, I didn't have a good, witty lead in to this subject as it is getting me down.  My running days might be numbered. I want to do a 5K in April, and in fact I've already commited to doing one.  Taekwondo is on a short break this weekend, so I'll see how a few good runs feel on my leg.  I haven't run since last week, and my leg feels great.  I just keep reinjurying it every.time.I.run, and I've had some people (MY DAD) tell me that I should quit running and start cycling.  My answer to that, oh so maturely, is, "I don't wann!"  I love the way running makes me feel.  I love the accomplishment.  I've done the cycling thing before (in college), and I liked it but running just makes me feel different: liberated, free, like I'm flying.  I can't exactly explain the feeling, but it's wonderful. 

I'm sorry if there are misspellings in this edition.  For some reason Blogger Spellcheck has decided it's time to quit, even though I'm not done writing.  Not thinking there will be a weight loss or exercise edition this week, as I've been too busy eating Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream, thus not following my own advice!!!

Baby Steps: Working Towards Injury Free

I attempted to run this morning.  I guess I woke up thinking that I would knock off 3 miles with no problem, and maybe my unrealistic expectations are what prevented me.  I could have kept going.  I could have walked for a few miles, but I was disappointed.  I did .42 miles in 5 minutes 20 seconds.  That's a whooping 12 minute 35 second mile, and I didn't even go a mile before my shin started hurting. 

It didn't start hurting badly, but I was afraid to push it.  It finally feels mostly better, and I don't want to re injure myself.  I just need to baby my way back into the sport.  Now I'm sitting in the blue recliner, that used to belong to my grandfather (Gipop), and icing the sucker, hoping it will feel completely better overnight. 

Tomorrow, I'm planning on going 1 mile. I know 1 mile was do-able, even today, but I freaked when I started feeling the least bit of pain.  There's always tomorrow.  I'll have to go to Taekwondo tonight to get my exercise, as 5 minutes 20 seconds is NOT enough! 

In the meantime, I'm trying to find some good ideas for my weight loss post, as it's been a few weeks since I've posted an edition.  Bear with me.  I'll try to blog one this week now that my computer is in tip-top shape again (or mostly, at least). 

I spent the weekend mostly stuck behind a book.  I finished Underworld by Don DeLillo, and I recommend it to anyone who's willing to commit to reading an 827 page book that takes a little bit of thought processing.  Now I'm reading Amsterdam by Ian McEwan.  It's short.  I'll finish it today, maybe even after I finish this post, but I have firmly decided that I'm not a McEwan fan.  His subject matter is interesting, but his delivery is boring, or his characters, or something about his writing:  BORING.  And it could be that my mind is still engrossed in all the little nuances of Underworld.  The book wasn't perfect, but sometimes when you finish a book that you're absorbed in, totally interested in, it's almost like a grieving process at the end.  You feel like the character's lives have come to an end, and it's hard to move onto a new book, a different writing style, and new characters.  

My Dad also celebrated his birthday this weekend, and my Mom came down for the party, taking a break from the twins.  It was so nice to have us all together, with my brother and his kids: talking and talking, eating, drinking, and just having a great time.  I really enjoy our time when we're all together, even if my boys were hyped up by the end!

Stuck in a Book

I'm reading Underworld by Don DeLillo.  It has taken me a thousand forevers to get into this book, but now that I'm finally INTO it I don't want to put it down.  There are a lot of themes floating through the various people who pop up through this novel.  One such theme is the impact of an individual's history.  The sense that one person's history has a depth and reach that is inexplicable, even if they are not Martin Luther King or JFK or anyone other than some John Smith off the street.

DeLillo talks about shoes and what all the parts of a shoe are called: aglet, eyelets, laces, tongue, sole, heel, and then the ones I didn't know at all: quarter, vamp, outsole, welt, and cap.  The character in the novel says if they've been named then they must be important.  There must be a reason to learn all the words.  He references the word quotidian and says, "an extraordinary word that suggests the depth and reach of the commonplace" (Page 542-Underworld by Don DeLillo). 

This really made me think, as if I don't think enough.  Every single person has an impact on others.  Everything you learn and do has meaning.  It is ENOUGH just to be alive: smiling at someone, having a late night conversation over coffee, sharing a laugh, comforting a friend who has lost a loved one, seeing a smile appear on a baby's face for the first time...these are the moments to remember.  These are the moments that connect us to each other.  Your contribution could touch people that you don't even know it's touched, and that's an amazing thing.

As I was reading DeLillo, he described a scene about a glass of water with an alka-seltzer tab running down the side, watching the fizz, and I remembered my Dad used to have a water with an alka-seltzer.  I used to watch the tablet settle at the bottom, the bubbles coming up, and wondering why the heck he'd want to drink that!  A shared history.  We all have certain memories and moments that intertwine with each other, nuances that make us think about the people who are here and who were once here that we've loved...and hated. 

Quotidian: turn the ordinary into something extraordinary. 

And by the way, I'm still not sure there is an actual a plot in Underworld.  I'm more than halfway done.  This novel is more like a work of art: poetic, descriptive, and tied together.  He is an incredible author, and I'd strive to be only half as good of a writer as he. 

Goal Post Week of May 1, 2012

I'm moving the goal posts back to Tuesday.  I like it here, at the beginning of the week, giving me more to aspire to as I move through my days.  When I post them on Thursday I tend to forget them in the weekend shuffle.

I have a eating problem right now, as in I'm eating everything in front of me.  I don't know why, but all of a sudden my appetite is back with a vengeance.  I think this may come from my new found love of cooking.  When you start to cook again, you can open the refrigerator and imagine the possibilities!

This week I made this yummy olive bread from the Pioneer Woman site:

Source: thepioneerwoman.com via Lauren on Pinterest

I know, it has olives in it right? So it has to be healthy for me.  Um, it also has a whole stick of butter, mayo, and a whole pack of cheese! Delish, yum, bad for my hips! So, needless to say, I did not lose my pound this week.  I didn't gain a pound either.  I'm sort of just stuck at my last number, and I still need to lose at least twenty pounds.  I hate feeling stuck.

As for my goals last week, I didn't do such a great job! I think I'm going to carry a sticky note around with me and cross them off the list as I do them.

I managed to clean the bathrooms.  I deep cleaned the two downstairs bathrooms, and we vacuumed and mopped the living room area, de-cluttered, cleaned the kitchen, and that was enough for me.  Son Number One had friends over on Sunday (and we had their parents over!) and so the upstairs looks like it was destroyed by a tornado!

I also made food last week twice.  The family wasn't so appreciative of the salmon I made on Saturday, but I'm trying to add fish to our diet at least once a week.  I'm trying to make what we eat healthier.  Needless to say, the kids may drop a few pounds, because they keep turning their noses up at everything I make! 

My goals this week:

• Log onto MyFitnessPal (MFP) every day, and be honest with my food intake.  I need to track how many extra calories I'm eating, so I can cut down and lose.  MFP wants me to eat 1200 calories a day, and it seems like so little.  Of course, I can eat more on exercise days.
• Workout five days a week.  I'm switching to day classes twice a week to be home more at night.  I have to push myself to go in the middle of the day, because if it's a hard workout it leaves me really tired at work.
• Read.  This may seem like a silly goal, but my reading has taken a backseat to everything.  I'm in the middle of Anna Karenina, and I'd like to finish it before the end of the century.  Plus my writing is not coming along like I wish it would so instead I'm going to find the time to read.  Reading can help aspiring writers!