All About That Bass

If you haven't heard the song, All About That Bass, by Meghan Trainor, then maybe you live under the rock, or you have kids who don't listen to Pop, or you don't attend Zumba class like a fiend the way I do! 

Anyway, here's the link to the YouTube video:




You need to watch this video.  And after you watch this video you need to share it with your sisters, your moms, your daughters, your granddaughters.  You need to share it with every woman you know, because this song, with its catchy tune, and its poppy lyrics, has such a great meaning.  This song is about accepting yourself, accepting your body and realizing that the idea that "perfect" is a size 2 is absurd. 

I think my favorite line in this song besides, "I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
And all the right junk in all the right places," is when she sings, "I'm bringing booty back."

Girls, I've been bringing booty back for years!  Without my booty, I wouldn't look like such a hot mess when I Zumba. 

Be proud of your bodies.  Live healthy.  Exercise, eat right, but don't think that being skinny is the goal.  It should not be.  Every one's bodies are built differently.  I happen to have a skinny top, wide hips, and a big booty.  I've struggled with my weight for years.  I've struggled to lose weight, and to fit into the "ideal" beauty mold.  I've struggled with self image, just like every other woman on this earth (even the size 2s)!  Well let me tell you something, there's no such thing as an ideal beauty.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Being confident in who you are and how you look is the most important thing.  I've struggled with this, not only with my body image, but also from losing my hair.  And I realized that I'm a beautiful person, and I'm proud of my body, because I know it's strong and I know it's toned. 

Teach your girls to embrace their bodies, no matter what size they are.  Teach them self-love.  Teach them that models and Barbie dolls are "fantasy" and not "reality."  Teach them that they are beautiful just the way they are.  Teach them that it's about inside and out, and give them strength to deal with anyone who tells them differently. 

Accept yourself for who you are.  Accept your body.  Accept your bald head, your pointy elbows, or any other flaw you think you have on your body.  Chances are, what you think are flaws in your body are actually the things that make you the most beautiful. 

Disappointment

Yesterday was the day.  The letter came in the mail.  The letter from the magnet program, telling me whether or not Number Two would go there. You can probably tell from the title of this post, that he did not get in.  I'm disappointed, but I know he will do fine at the public school near our house. 

I do worry about him. He has an April birthday, so he won't be 5 until then.  Number One was almost six when he started Kindergarten.  I guess we'll just play it by ear next year, see how K goes, and then decide after K what to do.  I really do love the public elementary near our house.  I just worry about middle and high.

Number Two's a lot like me.  He is laid back.  He's super imaginative.  He can play for hours with his Ninjago guys or in the play kitchen.  He makes up stories.  He has a wonderful sense of humor.  I just hope he didn't get my lack of motivation, but it seems like he did.  My lack of motivation plagued me for years. 

When I was young, I didn't understand why I couldn't pull off all As like my older sister.  I'm thinking now, it probably had something to do with the fact that she actually studied, while I barely cracked a book.  I was absorbed in my own little world, and I see that in Number Two also. 

It's not necessarily a bad thing, but we live in an age and time where schools don't reward imagination.  Schools have less and less play time, less and less music time, less recess, less art and MORE tests.  Tests, Tests, Tests.  Our kids will be good at following the rules and taking tests, but will they be able to creatively solve a problem and think outside of the box?  I think Number Two will be able to because those are his natural abilities.  He'll just need to find a purpose and a goal, and afterall that took me 33 years to realize.  He still has some time at 4. 

Dare to be Bare

Most days I walk through life with a wig on my head.  I go to work with a wig every day, covering up the fact that I have no hair, one of the most unique things about me  Everyone at my office knows I'm bald, but for some reason I don't feel comfortable there without my hair.  It seems unprofessional, and I don't know why.  Plus, since I work in a service-based field, all the questions from customers would probably be a bit overwhelming. 

My Mom and I went out the other day to look for new hair, because I hadn't bought a wig in about a year.  My old one was getting old and dirty, but had lasted the longest out of all my wigs so far.  We went to the same place, and I bought this:

 

 

I absolutely love it!  I think it's cute on me.  The only problem is the bangs swoop into my eyes a little bit more than I'd like. (I probably just need to part it differently)  It has a micro-filament cap on the inside, so you can actually see my scalp through the top instead of the stitches that were on my other wig.  This makes it look more real. 

 

Still, when I'm at home and on weekends I'd rather just walk around bald.  I feel comfortable enough with myself not to cover up the fact that I don't have hair.  It's taken me a long time to accept that I have alopecia areata and my hair probably will not grow back.  I don't mind explaining the disease to folks and telling them what it is, and in fact it can start some pretty funny conversations, especially with kids. 

 

The other day Darling Daughter and I were looking at photos on the phone:

 

DD: Mommy has hair in this photo.

 

Me: Do I always have hair?

 

DD: Looks at me quizzically.  No.  She's probably wondering why I'm asking her these silly questions.

 

Me: Why not?

 

DD: Because you took it off. 

 

As plain as day, those words came out of her mouth.  Pure and simple acceptance even though she knows this is different.  She doesn't remember me any other way, besides bald and with a wig.  I'm sure when she's older she'll question why I don't have hair, but for right now she just accepts it for what it is. 

 

 

 

And speaking of alopecia: yesterday, I received an email for their 28th Annual Conference in St. Louis, Missouri this year. 

 

 

I would seriously LOVE to go to this, but we simply don't have the funds.  I would love to be an inspiration to some children who are struggling with the fact that they are different.  I'd love to hear what they have to say about research, cures, acceptance.  I finally started giving to NAAF this year, because I thought if there's one cause I should support it's this, something so personal to me. 

 

The NAAF website is full of wonderful resources for people with alopecia areata.  It lists support groups, personal stories of people with alopecia, the latest research news, and how to cope when you or your child has just been diagnosed.  A wonderful resource for anyone struggling with this autoimmune skin disease. 



Time Marches On

Time Marches On

I'm having a hard time believing that we're ending 2012 so soon.  There are officially only 24 days left of this year.  At times, it has seemed to fly by, and at other times it has dragged on and on, but the last few months have passed so quickly it seems unreal. 

The thing about time is you can never stop it to hold onto what you have at that very moment.  Everything changes.  Last night, as I was driving home in the car I glanced back at my 4 year old son and my 8 year old son, and in my mind I thought, "I want them to stay this way forever."  I thought about Number One at 4 years old, and I had a hard time picturing his face each year afterwards.  The years drift by, the children grow up.  It all goes so quickly. 

This year was good and bad for me, as most years are for everyone.  I really struggled with Hubby hurting his leg.  I struggled with my own demons too for most of the year, and I finally feel settled, happy even.  I made many of my goals.  I changed my whole life for the better, by losing weight and exercising.  I finally began to accept that I will probably be bald for the rest of my life.  (Except for some reason, I have not accepted that I will not have eyebrows). 

Hubby and I finally got the house cleaned (literally--and mostly due to his efforts I must say!).  We also finally posted rules for the kids, and became more consistent in our disciplining of them. 

I have goals for next year too, but I know as soon as I blink an eye tax season will be here, and then Halloween and then Christmas 2013, and we will be turning the calendars to 2014 before I know it.  Be thankful for what you have and appreciate each and every day, because time moves so fast.

The Goal Post

The Goal Post

 

 

Thursday already.  I am always in awe of how fast the weeks go by.  Time slips by so quickly, and I can never get a grasp on it.

 

I had a wonderful week of making my goals!  I really stuck to my goals that I posted in last week's goal post.

• Run: And I did.  I went on two runs this week.  One on Sunday and one on Thursday.  My conclusion: I'm not a good runner at all.  I like doing it though.  I don't know why I like it.  I've always hated it.  I can only run about .60 miles, then I have to walk, then I can run .60 miles again.  I'm going to try to build up to .75 miles this week...but now I'm jumping ahead of myself!
 
• Log into MyFitnessPal.  I logged in twice, maybe three times.  I've made my caloric goals this week...maybe.  I find it funny that I can't be honest with an online calorie tracker.  The day I went to eat at Ixtapa, I quit adding foods after lunch.  So, um, I need to do a better job!
 
• Accept myself.  I'm working on this.  Some days are easy and some days are hard.  I believe we are our own biggest critic, and I don't believe that ever stops.  Some day I wish I could see myself the way others see me.  I wonder what they think and how they perceive me.  That could be scary though.  Anyway--acceptance is a long term goal, probably for all of us...

 

Goals for the Upcoming Week

• Run-.75 miles at a time this week.  And did you know that at 5 in the morning, the stars are incredible? I was in awe.  I'm not sure I've looked up and just stared in a long time!  I downloaded Pandora, finally, so running with good music will make things easier!
 
• Lose 1 pound. Achieve this by watching what I eat and keeping better track of my food.  I feel like I'm slipping, getting comfortable and feeling like I can maintain, but I'm not ready to maintain yet.  I need to lose 15 more pounds.  So, maybe having the actual numeral goal will help me achieve this.  We'll see!
 
• Work on my novel.  Quit procrastinating.  I pick it up, write a few pages, and I walk away for a week...or a year.  I know of several authors who worked on novels for many years, but I just need to work on it and finish. I know where my characters are taking me.  I just need to let them lead me there.

The Goal Post

The Goal Post

 

The goal post has returned.  I like having weekly goals, as I think it helps keep me focused on what I need to do to live a productive and fulfilling life.  I've met a lot of my goals over the last year, and it's exciting to go back and read all that I accomplished, so I hope to keep this up every week again.  Time, or the lack thereof, always seems to get in the way though.

 

So here goes.  Goals for the next week:

• Go for a run. Seriously.  I dreamt about running last night.  I hate running.  I've told everyone that over the last few years, that I'll never be a runner.  Maybe a sprint is more likely, or a wun (as coined by one of my friends).  But still, I am going to put on my running shoes and try to go run around the lake.  I'll see how far I get!
 
• Log onto MyFitnessPal to track food again.  I think in order to lose this last 15 pounds, I'm going to have to track my calories again. And maybe I need to stop eating brownies and junk that people keep bringing into work.  I don't want to go backwards!
 
• Accept myself, flaws and all.  Lately, I've been dying to put my hair in the cute little side braids everyone wears lately.  But, I have no hair!  I need to accept this.  This goal may take longer than a week.  I have good days and bad days.  I have days where I realize that having lost my hair is definitely not the end of the world, and then I have days where I just want to be "normal," even though I know normal doesn't exist.  So acceptance, yes, work on it!

Humility

This cycle our taekwondo tenet is humility.  We say at the end of class, "Humility: I Can Always Do Better."

What does humility mean?

According to Merriam Webster's dictionary, humility is the quality or state of being humble.

Then what is the definition of humble?  Humble is described as being not proud or haughty.  A second definition states, reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission.

I look at humility and humbleness as not putting yourself in the "center."  In the taekwondo sense, it is realizing that you can always do better.  You will never be perfect.  There is a humbleness to taekwondo.  When I can't kick as high as I want, I feel humble.  I realize despite trying as hard as I can that there will always be someone who is better than me.  Expressing humility is really about accepting our faults.  It's about taking a step back and realizing that while it is important to look out for yourself, it should never be all consuming.

I have been prideful in my life.  I have felt, before and now, that I'm more important than other people.  Humans by nature look out for themselves first.  But with true humility one must let go of the need want to control others.  They must let go of placing blame on others for their unhappiness.  Basically, humility is about releasing your ego and not judging.  To feel this way would be so freeing.

A certain level of humility can help you learn about your place in the world universe.  Accepting humility can help you become more accepting of other people, and not focused only on other peoples' faults. 

I have a lot to learn about humility.  I've always been a control freak.  I have a learned habit of feeling like I'm better than others: smarter, more grammatically correct (ha! that's for you Hubby), funnier, prettier.  This isn't the way to view the world if you want to feel connected to other people.  Maybe this is the way to view the world if you want power, but having power often puts you in a lonely place.

Since 2012 is the year of goals, I'm adding humility.  I will stop judging others.  I will stop constantly trying to control my environment.  I will let go.

I'm Bald

I'm bald.  It's a fact of life. No, I do not have cancer, just in case you're wondering.  I have Alopecia Areata.  Alopecia Areata is a disease that affects 2% of the population overall (according to the National Alopecia Areata Foundation website: www.naaf.org).  I just happen to be one of that lucky 2%.

Here's a picture of me with Son#1. 

Notice, he has curly, wonderful hair, and I have none.  Well, correction, I have little brown fuzz!  I wanted to post this on my Facebook site, but I did not because my mother said people might think I have cancer and be too afraid to ask about it!  Oh, the horrors!  Don't get me wrong, I know she's just trying to protect me.

Losing your hair is pretty difficult.  You'd think I'd get used to it, since it's been happening to me since I was 5 years old.  My Mom says it was the chicken pox that triggered it.  I always still HAD hair though.  I just had patchy spots on top of my head and under the back of my hair.

After my darling daughter was born, my hair started falling out in clumps.  I guess this is similar to people going through chemo.  I would literally wake up in a nest full of brown hair.  I'd take a shower, shampoo my hair, and hair would be all wrapped around my hand.  Cleaning the bathroom was horrendous, because it just reminded me that a part of me was starting to go away.again.  I also lost my eyebrows and my eyelashes this time.  So, now I pretty much have Alopecia Universalis.  For those of you who don't know about the classifications, this means I have absolutely no hair on my body.  Except, for some reason I still have hair in my pits (totally unfair by the way), and a little brown fuzz on top of my head.

I am coming to terms with this.  When people ask if I have cancer it makes me realize that this disease, although it can be embarrassing, at least will not take my life away.  I built up the confidence to start attending my taekwondo class bald.  No wig.  I've been covering this up my whole life, and bringing it out into the open was liberating, and I felt such relief that my friends will accept me for who I am, hair or not.