Tuesday, February 12, 2013


I am tired today.  So tired.  My allergies are acting up, and Alabama has been a pit of rain for two, going on three days.  I stumbled down to my coffee, sat down, put on my ear buds and Pandora, and opened up Facebook.  It took me almost all the way through Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to realize that my Pandora was on the kid's Lullaby station.  Wow. My mind at work. 

I have always been a procrastinator.  I've always been one of those people who'd rather do one thing over another, putting off the "other" thing eternally because I just don't want to do it.  I am still that way, because procrastination goes hand in hand with perfectionism, and I'm that too: a perfectionist.

Every day there is something I put off: making dinner, signing papers, CLEANING, a project at work, Yearbook: any number of things.  Procrastination doesn't help though: it makes it worse.  When you procrastinate, and it is something that absolutely has to be done, you end up rushing and this leads to stress and anxiety.  I used to think that I worked best under a close deadline, but as I've gotten older I've realized if I plot my time out, and I have enough time to do what I need to get done then I feel better about the accomplishment.

I still procrastinate CLEANING.  A part of my brain says, "Why bother doing that?  Those kids who live with you are just going to mess it up again."  A part of my brain says, "Why can't we just hire a maid?"  Excuses to not do what I'm supposed to be doing.  There is a reason inside for every single thing you procrastinate.  You just have to explore that reason, find out what it is, and then address the issue. 

I know what it is about cleaning that bothers me.  It makes me feel obsessive compulsive.  Once I start, I have a hard time stopping.  I want it to be PERFECT (and we all know there is no such thing as perfect).  I don't like the way it feels while I'm doing it, but I do like the outcome.  Because of this, an unfair burden of housework falls on my husband.  Plus, I am ALWAYS procrastinating doing the housework, but he makes a list daily and generally crosses items off his list.  These are his daily goals, and they keep the house clean, the kids fed and dressed, and the household moving forward.  As he says, "Well, someone has to do it," and by that he means, "It sure as hell isn't going to be you!"

I've learned this year how to stop procrastinating (a little bit, and obviously not in the cleaning arena yet).  Routine helps procrastination end.  I don't procrastinate writing anymore, because my routine calls for me to work on my novel from 5:30 AM to 6:15 AM every morning.  I don't procrastinate at work, because I don't have time to put anything off.  Mostly, it's just an at home thing now.

It's something I'll probably need to work on the rest of my life, but not now: I think I'll read right now, or write, maybe play a game on the computer, or watch television...

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