Harmony

I was watching House of Cards with Hubby last night.  I'm on Season 1, Episode 8, so please no spoilers if you're further than me.  The writing on this show is magnificent.  Frank Underwood aka Francis, is such an ass, but he's a likeable ass.  Who knows why?  Maybe because you always know where you stand with him, and he has that incredible smile even when he's plunging the knife into your back. 

This blog isn't really a review about House of Cards though.  This blog is more about one line Frank Underwood says in that particular episode that really stuck with me, and I bet it hit home to a lot of people.  At the dedication of the library, Frank is talking about harmony and he says, "It is about individual voices coming together for a moment. And that moment lasts the length of a breath."  He's using the quote in reference to his time at the Sentinel, known in real life as the Citadel, and about how people come in and out of your life. 

Harmony.  Coming together for a specific purpose and then moving on. I think about this, because so much of my time is spent thinking about the past.  I try to be a goal oriented person.  I plan ahead, and I look to the future often.  I have pangs about the past: lost loves, lost friends, or almost a craving for the way things were when things were at their best, or maybe when I was having the most fun, or maybe when my feelings of love and life were so heightened I felt on top of the world. 

In Episode 8 of House of Cards, the look on Frank's face as his friend (possible lover) walked away from him showed that Frank struggled with the feelings of loss and difficulty of letting go.  Why is it so difficult to let go?  Each relationship or friendship lost is almost like a mini-death and takes a grieving process in order for an individual to move on.  The feelings regarding that particular person or that particular event in your life are still imprinted in your memory and recalling them can be a sweet but painful nostalgia, almost like you're reliving the loss every time you think about.

How wistful to think: it's for a moment, and then it's gone, and then you move on.  Some people work this way, repressing painful thoughts and memories, and even repressing the good thoughts and memories because sometimes recalling them reminds you of how different you feel today.  You look back on your past sometimes and think, "Oh if I could only do that again then I'd be happy."  Let's face it, living life is hard, and sometimes we all wish we could back to the easier times.

This weekend I went out with a young friend of mine who is about to graduate from high school.  She was talking about college and said, "Well I'm going to have a lot of free time."  And my heart was suddenly jealous that she gets to swing through those carefree days of making friends, about being idealistic about the future, looking for a job and soaking up knowledge like a sponge while I'm stuck washing dishes and forcing kids to do homework.  My heart wanted to go back to that moment in time, but that's all it was: a moment.  A moment that taught me a lot about myself, about my capability to learn, and about who'd I be in the future. 

I think living life is so much about being in the present moment and not being stuck in the past and not looking too much into the future.  I think for the greatest chance of happiness you must look at your past mistakes, you must think about your past loves with fondness, but then you need to move on from there.  I'm still learning how to do this.  And one of my favorite quotes of all time reminds me, "Hindsight is like foresight without a future."  Nothing comes from wishing that something that WASN'T IS, or that something that WAS still IS, except a special kind of pain.

Remember the individual voices with fondness.  Think about today, be happy about yesterday, and walk in the present.