This to Shall Pass

I am having a staycation this week, but more it is like a reminder of why I'm not cut out to be a stay-at-home Mom.  Seriously, I have these moments when I wonder why I gave birth to three kids? 

Overall today has been good, but my nine year old likes to argue and back talk, and I know he's trying to assert his independence, but I'd like to assert mine over him a little bit!  Number Two has been especially clingy and Darling Daughter didn't take a long enough nap.  They all keep arguing with me over the most trivial things, and it makes me want to scream!

The boys had their six month allergy checkup, and they were OFF the wall. 

The doctor laughed, and he's a good natured fellow, but I was not amused.  Number One and Number Two kept messing with $500 instruments, and I kept imagining them falling and breaking and my insurance being charged for it or worse yet the doctor asking for it out of pocket. 

As we were leaving, the nurse up front called to the back to see whether she could schedule Number One and Number Two together again, and the person on the other line said no. 

As they were trying to grab five lollipops, I wondered where I went wrong in raising them.  I mean for god's sake, can't they act right for fifteen minutes at the doctor?  It's not like we even had a long wait.  We waited for about a minute before they took us back and the antics began. 

I know they're not little adults, but sometimes I just wish they could BEHAVE when we go to the doctor. I wish they could mind their manners, sit there and answer his questions, get one lollipop and go on their merry way.  I know you're not supposed to compare, but sometimes I look at other people's mild manner children and I wonder how in the world they do it.  Why aren't their kids off the wall?  Why aren't they running all over the place?  What are those parents doing differently than me?  Are they beating the crap out of their kids?  Is it fear that keeps their kids aligned or do they have mutual respect?

I put the kids in the car, and I looked at them and I said, "I am so disappointed in how you acted.  That was embarrassing!  If you do that again I will take away your Kindle for a week and your Ninjagos!" 

I was so mad at their behavior.  And then I thought about it more, and I know they were stuck in the house most of today, because it has been cold.  I know they have not been in school for two weeks, so their routine is non-existent.  And I know beyond that, that I'm a good mom, but sometimes kids will be kids.  I'm so hard on myself, and when they act up I blame myself and I wonder where I went wrong, and I wonder if they're going to be juvenile delinquents or something.

The thing is, being a parent is so hard.  You're always throwing guilt at yourself.  You're always worrying about everyone else's expectations of your kids' behavior, because after all everyone in your life has an opinion on what YOU could be doing better.  When you don't have a kid who fits in a box, then it's even harder.  People don't understand the quirky behaviors, and it's hard to explain when not even Hubby and I know why he's different.   I know my kids are loved, clothed, well taken care of, and I also know that Hubby and I struggle every day to find the right way to discipline them.  Some days are so full of joy and happiness and other days are just so tough--like today.  It's all worth it to see their sleepy heads in the morning.  To watch your child take his/her first steps.  To see your child make straight A's and come in 1st in gymnastics.  To see them learn how to read, how to make friends, and to be there for them when they fall down. To feel their sticky hands on your face and the sweet, "I love yous," and to have them confide in you when their hearts seem to be breaking--that makes it worth it.   Even the days like today, when I can't wait for Hubby to come home so I can escape will be worth it, and they will pass and I'll wonder where the time went and how they grew up so quickly. 

So for tonight--I'll just take a deep breath and tell myself they're only kids.  They'll only be little for a few years longer, and I just have to accept that they will misbehave sometimes, and they will not at others.  I have to accept them for who they are and love them for it and move along without beating myself up so much.  And just realize that this to will pass...