Monday, December 9, 2013

Update: Finding a Way Back to Goal


It’s been awhile since I blogged.  I type that after every blog break, so now that we have that out of the way….

 
Yes, I’m still bald, although I have grown some baby hairs on my head.  My Dad has some crazy medical term for them, which he throws around like everyone will remember and know what he’s talking about.  I can’t remember that term, so I just call them “baby hairs.” 



 
I quit Taekwondo.  I needed a break.  I’ve started taking Zumba, and it’s funny, because I thought I’d really miss Taekwondo but I don’t.  I do miss seeing my Taekwondo friends, but I don't really miss the actual art of TKD.  I guess it served its purpose for me at a certain time in my life and now it’s time to move on to something new and exciting!  In retrospect, Taekwondo did get me out of the house a lot and it kept me exercising.  Without it, I have to be a lot more self motivated. 
 
Sometimes I can motivate myself almost to the moon and other times I’m just so lazy.  I really like to be lazy, until I start feeling guilty about how lazy I am, and I start wondering if I’ll die of one of those medical terms my dad and sister are always throwing around because I just can’t get off my ass and I just have to watch one more episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” starring an old high school acquaintance of mine: Glenn Howerton. You know, medical terms like cardiac Infraction, thrombosis or sepsis.  Although, I don’t think you can get sepsis just from being lazy and overweight, unless you’re too lazy to go to the doctor or something. 

 
So now that I have all this time you’d think I’d be productive or something.  One day I did clean the whole house.  The downstairs has actually stayed mostly clean, due to my husband’s daily efforts.  I’ve noticed I clean when I get disgusted with myself or the way things look, but I’m not good at the everyday cleaning.  I’m good at the OCD, OMG, “this better be absolutely clean, and now I have to spend eight hours doing it, because if I’m going to do it then it better be perfect” type cleaning.  Then afterwards, it makes me unhappy and the rest of the family, because I freak when people don’t put things back where they belong, and I start to remind myself of my mother (she’s an absolutely wonderful human being, btw, but she’s an obsessive cleaner, and I don’t want to be one!!!). 

 
I should be editing or writing, or something along those lines but instead I’ve been to Zumba a handful of times, started, painfully slowly I might add, trying to run again, and watched too much Netflix.  I haven’t even read a book.  Maybe it’s the winter funk, or maybe everyone just needs a break now and then, but I’d like to find my way back to a goal…AND SOON. 

 
I did send a little essay off to The Ladies’ Home Journal on “The Best Decision I’ve Ever Made.”  The Ladies’ Home Journal seems so reminiscent of the 1950s, doesn’t it?  You can just imagine all the ladies sitting around exchanging recipes with their beehive hair-dos and their Tupperware parties.  Good times.  I didn’t follow the rules on my first entry, and even though it said “only one entry per person,” I resubmitted the entry again with the correct double spacing and identification information.  What can I say?  I’m a rule breaker, or maybe I’m just not so good at following directions.

 
I still hope to e-publish my novel on Amazon.  My brother has been super busy with his own life, so he hasn’t been able to finish the cover art.  Once it’s done, I’ll e-publish.  In the meantime, I need to get back to writing some more.  I finished the second novel, but I haven’t edited any of it.  It’s been hard for me to think about going back and reading it, as it was not a happy book.  I have two other novels in the work, but I feel blah about them, and I’m not sure why. 

 
I’m happy with my life, but I want to accomplish more, and I just have to find a sustainable way to do that.  I need to figure out how to go about publishing my work, gaining publicity, and getting to a point where I can write for the rest of my life and make a living off of it, plus be happy doing it!  I know these things take time, and I guess I’m just impatient.  I only JUST started writing again, and a lot of writing is about practice and making your writing better by simply doing it every single day.  My characters need more depth, more feeling, and my settings need more description without being wordy.  These are all things I stay up and ponder about, because I think about every single aspect of my life.  I worry about things, and I question myself, and I question my decisions.  I would love to be a risk taker and just throw myself out there and be confident that I’ll succeed.  That’s what it takes.  It’s just getting there.  

 

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