2015 is about positive change.
Yesterday, the whole family was in the car. The kids were supposed to go to a parent's night out, but unbeknownst to us, the gym had cancelled (someone didn't do their job and call us). We were driving to my mom's house to drop them off, and Number One said, "I wish I had an iPod." and Number Two chimed in, "I wish I had a Ninjago," and Darling Daughter said, "I wish I had all the makeup in the world (seriously, is this really my kid?)."
I said, "I don't really want anything. I've decided experiences are the way to go."
Everyone laughed, and I said, "Okay, or maybe I need my book to edit myself. That's my wish. My book should edit itself, or I should have a magical pen that just makes everything come out perfectly with no need to edit. But I don't really wish for any material things."
Then we had a hysterical conversation about how dogs lick their butts and then people's faces, and I made up a new word "poop-lick," which elicited tons of giggles from the kids, and Rob and I laughed about it all night long. This is a little tangent, and if it was in a book it would be deleted as not necessary.
And speaking of Rob. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. And it's no secret things aren't perfect between us. We have a lot of ups and downs. We always have. I think a lot of you already know that. And just being honest, we've told people we were throwing in the towel and giving up. But things change, and I realized there are people who depend on me who wouldn't be able to cope with the change. It's funny how a crisis can sometimes bring two people closer together, and can sometimes drive people further apart. But more importantly I realized I can't find happiness in other people--only in myself. But I can find happiness in experiences. I can also find happiness by dropping my unrealistic expectations of other people. And this is something I'm learning to do. Give without expectation. Be a friend to be a friend, not to expect others to do for you. I do think it's not a coincidence that as my writing becomes more of a priority in my life, my marriage has gotten better. It's infinitely easier to give back to someone else when I feel fulfilled. Still, Rob and I are very different people. We communicate differently, we look at situations differently, we react differently. There will always be work in our marriage, it will never be perfect (because nothing is-I haven't found the magic pen for that either). I will have been with this man for fourteen years on St. Patrick's Day of this year, and there's something sort of amazing about that in our throw-away, give-up society.
So this year, we're going for experiences. Experiences help you enjoy each other. They also stay with you and help you build memories. They make you feel more fulfilled and happier. Whereas objects comes and go, break and bend, and can easily be replaced. Memories tie you together. I'm hoping to find some inspiration in places. Life isn't easy, but no one ever said it was. But the longer I live, the more I enjoy the ups and downs as teachers of enlightenment and the more I realize the power I have to make myself a better person, every single day.
