I'm A Winner!

Last week I wrote Xs and Os for Mid-Week Blues Buster 3.07, and I found out today I won. For those of you who write flash fiction, you should try your hand at MWBB. They use a song prompt, and it always makes my mind spin a story. 3.08 is going on right now! I was super excited to win, since this was the first flash piece I'd written in some time. I've been so busy this month.

Here's the cool badge I won:

Not only have I gone on a semi-second Honeymoon with my husband in Punta Cana (you have to go there), but I published a book, The Devil Within. My mother-in-law came in town, and we took the kids to Stone Mountain. And this coming week I'm going to the Midwest Writer's Conference. So much going on!

And today, I'm celebrating another accomplishment. I went for a run and did 2 miles in 11 minutes 44 seconds. This has taken me forever to accomplish. And now I can work on increasing my mileage over the next few weeks and speed. I'm intending to do a 5K sometime later in the year (because you know, I don't have enough on my plate). I mostly run because it helps keep the weight off and I've struggled with weight for some time. I also do it so I can organize the thoughts in my head. Running is great for planning and plotting out works-in-progress. Today, I worked on figuring out the next steps in the new Southern Lit novel I'm working on. More details on that later, when I'm at a point where I feel like I can share.

Hot Running is Not Nearly as Fun as Hot Yoga

I went for a hot, muggy run this morning.  As I started out, I thought it's 5 AM there is no way the air can already be this muggy. But, yes, it was.  With every breath I took, I felt like I was gulping a gallon of water into my lungs.  Painful and not fun.  I did 2.00 miles, but in 27 minutes 14 seconds, because I kept stopping to walk.  Now I remember why I stopped running last summer, oh, besides the stress fracture.

Speaking of injuries, my leg is about 50,000 times better.  And my hip.  I've been working out five times a week, and I've been doing weights, and I think I finally developed the strength in the muscles to work out the pain in both places. 

With my hip, I couldn't even do criss-cross apple sauce for about three months, but I diligently did some exercises I found online and I did the hip abductor and abduction machine at the gym.  Totally fixed the problem.

I love exercise.  Seriously, what better thing can you do for your body and your mind?  I always find when I start exercising my mood increases. I'm nicer.  I'm less stressed. 

And speaking of less stress, I'm reading an excellent book for my book club right now: 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story.  Forgive the long title, but seriously, this is what the book is all about.  Dan Harris, a correspondent for ABC news, went on a little journey of self-discovery in this book which is autobiographical, but also teaches you how to manage the negative thoughts in your head.  The first page, he says "I initially wanted to call this book The Voice in My Head Is an Asshole."  How many people can relate to their inner asshole? 

Seriously, when I run my voice is such a jerk.  The voice in my head tells me I can't do it, it' too hot, I don't want to go any further.  Am I the only one who has the voice of a four year old whiny child?  It's as if we grow up, but the voices in our head stay small immature children.  They're narcissistic, selfish, one sided voices, who usually seem hell bent on destroying every aspiration you have.  I'm not huge into self-help, and so I really didn't think I would like this book, but Harris finds peace through meditation and being mindful of his thoughts without being obsessive.  I think that's something we could all stand to do.  Be mindful of our thoughts, be mindful of our reactions to others, and be mindful that we never ever know what someone else is feeling, thinking, or how they might react.  After all, they probably have an asshole in their head dictating their life too. 

So today when I was running, and the voice would tell me to stop running, I kept running.  I told the voice, "Ok--that's a nice thought, but I'm going to at least run to that stop sign before I fall over wheezing and die."  I fought against the voice, and I was mindful those thoughts were there, but I didn't let myself associate with the thoughts.  Hard to do for someone like me who is constantly living in their head!  But a good exercise in controlling myself and using the power of mindfulness!

A Moment of Meditation

I took an unintended blog break last week.  Work was crazy, the weekend was crazier, and our internet went down some time between Saturday and Sunday and didn't come back up until last night.  By that time, I was nestled on the couch catching up on Game of Thrones--and don't worry if you haven't watched it yet--I'm not one to hand out spoilers. 

Yesterday morning started at 3:00 when Number Two woke up screaming his head hurt.  I worried it was an aneurism or something because he was in so much pain, but alas it was an ear infection. Now just because you really want to know, I'll tell you he has brownish red goopy stuff draining out of his ear and a nice fever too.  So I stayed home with him yesterday, took him to the doctor, and did a bunch of sitting around.  I read almost a whole book.  I didn't have internet, so I needed to find something to do while he slept and watched hours and hours of cartoons. 

This morning, I woke up early and went for a run.  I saw the sun rise as I was running, and it made me smile in awe.  How often do we stop and just look at the natural beauty around us.  (Ok--I didn't stop, because I was running, but I took it all in).  I was there in the moment, soaking it all in without the distraction of kids, noise, technology, you name it.  We have all but abandoned the idle time of stopping and smelling the flowers, but idle time is necessary for us to de-stress.  Idle time is necessary for our creative juices to flow.  Absorbing nature, the sunset, the sunrise, and just being in the moment is so important for us.  I've been trying to take a moment out of every day to just breath.  To do absolutely nothing.  Maybe this is what people get from meditation, which I still haven't mastered, but I understand the feeling of calm that comes with the moment of realizing you're alive and you're watching a beautiful sunrise and you have absolutely nothing else better to do at that moment because you just ARE.  Amazing. 

Tomorrow I intend to go to the gym, but before I go I'll open my door and stick my head outside.  I'll hear the early morning chirps of the birds as they're waking up or waiting for their Momma birds to bring them worms.  The coyotes howling in the distance and the cows lowing in the field behind my neighborhood, plus the smell of a dew-covered grass about to wake to the dull morning light. A moment of meditation. 

Weight Loss Tips #18: Be Your Own Cheerleader!

Yesterday, I ran the 2014 Walk of Life with some of my co-workers.  I ran it last year too.  Last year, I was in way better shape than I am this year, and I also had been running a lot prior to the race.  I had a stress fracture in my leg though and after the race I had to take some time off from running.  Part of me wanted to just stop running completely. 

I wanted to run the Walk of Life in 40 minutes or less.  The course was 3.25 miles long (so a bit longer than a 5K), and I completed it in 42 minutes 14 seconds.  I was bummed.  I was bummed I didn't reach my goal. I was bummed I walked part of the way.  I was bummed I didn't beat my time from last year (36 minutes), even though that wasn't my goal to begin with. 

And then I realized while I was beating myself up that I accomplished my goal of finishing the 5K.  I ran a large part of it, and I can train to beat my time next year. I can run more 5Ks for great causes and improve my time as I go.  Everyone around me was telling me what a great job I did, and all I was doing was making myself feel bad. 

Two words: STOP IT! 

Be your own cheerleader in order to go further, to lose weight, to run harder, and you will do better and feel better about it!  Similar to a positive thinking mentality.  Sometimes thinking negatively is a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

I think this is why so many people stop trying to win the battle of obesity and stop trying to lose weight when they have ONE bad day.  They beat themselves up!  Instead of telling yourself you can't lose those 5 pounds, start telling yourself you can.  Praise yourself when you lose 1 pound.  Pat yourself on your back when you run 1 mile, or heck, even a 1/2 mile!  All of these are accomplishments worth being proud of because they lead you to your ultimate goals.  Be your own biggest cheerleader and the weight will come off.  Revel in how you have taken control of your life and keep up the momentum by praising your own efforts.  Listen to people when they tell you you're doing a great job, because chances are they're telling you the truth.  Stop the negative thinking!

Here are a few people who have motivated me lately:

• Listening to Other People's Stories: My sisters and the guy at Chappy's.  These people had some great advice for me on how to lose weight, how to keep going, and how to think positively while doing it. 
• My friend Miranda Grace: She and I are taking this journey together.  It helps to have someone who can ground you.  She and I motivate each other, we hold each other accountable to exercising and eating right.  We compare food diaries on MFP.
• My friend SB: He likes to say things like, you can run a half-marathon with me in October.  HA!  But seriously, having another person who THINKS you can achieve something that wild and crazy is motivating.
• Seeing Other People Who've Been Through the Same Struggle: I love seeing people who've been in the same boat as me, who have struggled for so many years and have achieved their goals!  It's amazing, and it makes me want to get there again and keep it off for good!

CHECK OUT THE LAST EDITION OF WEIGHT LOSS TIPS-->RIGHT HERE!!!

Write, Run, Repeat

I’ve been MIA this past week because I had a lot going on. 

 

1)      My sisters came in town from their respective states, and I was surrounded by family: nieces, nephews, brother, sisters, kids, parents. We had a wonderful time, and I always feel like I fall into a bit of a funk when they leave.  The same feeling when you come back from your vacation, and you realize you actually have to live a productive life, instead of just sitting on the beach all day drinking and soaking in the sun.  Yeah, that feeling.  Bummer. 

2)      I’ve been exercising every morning.  Specifically, I’ve been running.  I am so SLOW.  Terrapin slow.  And I crap out around 2 miles.  But I’m making progress.  I have a 5K tomorrow for Walk of Life, and I’m hoping to run the whole 3.18 miles, but I haven’t done it in the last four weeks.  I printed off the map, and I’m going to MAPMYRUN tonight.  My team captain brought me the t-shirt, and its way cuter than last year.  Also it has a chip timer, like last year.  My time last year was 37 minutes or so.  This year I just want to finish in under 40.  I’ve been running consistently 13 minute miles.  (See—I said I was slow).  I can run 11 minute miles too, and I can run faster than that too, but I’m not thinking I will.  I want to focus on my breathing and pacing—focus on the uphill—and just get done with the whole race. 

 

 

3)      I’ve been reading.  I just finished My Reading Life by Pat Conroy.  Underlining book titles reminds me of high school so much!  Anyway, My Reading Life is about books Mr. Conroy read that touched him and influenced his writing.  It’s about his writing life too, even though not titled as such.  There were some hilarious parts in the book, like when he is in Paris and talks about how he is normally a smiley guy, and he had to walk around pretending his mother had just died so he could mirror the French people’s faces.  I also love the part about the negative book rep, because Mr. Conroy didn’t let it bother him at all.  He just rolled with the punches.  Books like this are inspirational to me, as an aspiring writer.  I know I need to read a lot and write a lot to increase my skills, and reading about a famous author’s journey is motivating.  Authors motivate me and certain people motivate me to want to be a better writer.  I’m glad to have read this book, along with Steven King’s On Writing because I find similarities between how they think about writing and how I think about writing.  This gives me hope that one day I might achieve my dreams…er…goals.

4)      I’ve been writing this week—like mad.  I’ve actually written over 10,000 words on a story I started a year ago and never finished.  The funny thing is, working on this story actually makes me feel like I’m back in the past.  I’m not sure why I didn’t finish this one.  The story line is clear, and the plot is already outlined.  The characters seem palpable to me, complete with a jerky guy.  Oh—how I love writing about jerky men—cannot pull myself away from it, and I’m not sure why because I’ve always had great men in my life: my Dad, my husband, my guy friends—seriously, superb human beings.  The story is about a teenage girl, who moves from the North to the South, and she becomes involved with the wrong crowd, including Gideon, a mysterious boy, who tries not to become intimately involved with anyone, even Lana.  When I write I feel tied to my characters, like I’ve created them and the whole world they live in.  I feel they become an extension of me and often I can’t leave them alone until the story is told.  I often think about all the stories I left unfinished, and I wonder what the characters would have developed into if I had played them out.  I can’t fathom leaving any of the characters I’ve created in the last three years hanging out in “no man’s land.”  I have an intense need to tell their story, and then move on.  The only way I can describe it is a kind of magic.  Writing is the part I love—typing it all down, finishing the story, but that’s only part of the whole.  Proof-reading, re-writing, editing line by line, are all the aspects of writing I struggle with.  Sometimes after I’ve read through a story fifty times, still finding mistakes, I just want to shove it on the back of a hard drive and move on with my life.  I find the hardest writing work to be in the fine details.  I could compare it to cleaning up my house, something I’ve never had the desire to actually do.  

 

After this weekend, I plan to rest a bit, and to find a blogging schedule again.  I’m not sure blogging every day is realistic for me, as I try to focus on novel-writing and bigger picture items in my life.  However, I love the outlet of this blog and will continue to update it on an “as-can” basis.  I'm trying to develop purpose in my life and daily goals to live by: write, run, repeat. 

Through the Fog

I went running in the fog this morning.  A silken curtain of white dropped down from the sky.  When I was moving, my feet hitting the pavement, my breath coming in jagged little lines I hardly knew what was in front of me.  The fog was thick, and as I looked ahead it seemed like a solid mass that I wouldn't be able to penetrate.  And yet, I stepped right through and kept running until I couldn't run anymore.

When I was making my cool down walk home, I looked up and my heart starting pounding.  The mist had descended, heavy and low, and it looked like two plumes of smoke were rising directly above my house.  I thought about my family still tucked tightly in their beds, and I was scared they were stuck in a fiery house.  Until the illusion lifted, and I realized it was just the two trees standing next to each other in my backyard.

 

 

I was stuck in a fog for a long time.  For most of my life, I've drudged slowly through, not knowing where I was going and what I've wanted to do.  I've mistaken one thing for another, only to realize it was something completely different.  I've been tricked by the illusion that I couldn't succeed or be who I wanted to be. 

 

For me, the fog was crippling.  I'd sit down instead of walking through it, looking at it as a barrier instead of just a temporary roadblock, a small inconvenience. I've lived a lot of my life thinking woe is me, if only I could do this or that, if only I could write, if only I could make something of myself.  I failed to see I could remove myself from the fog by acting instead of just writhing in the pain of my existence. 

 

For a long time, I had dreams.  I had dreams I felt were unattainable.  I was negative about not being able to write for a living and not having hair and not having enough money.  I was always focused on what I didn't have and not on what I do have.  I ALWAYS wanted more.  The fog of disbelief kept me from moving forward, from putting one foot in front of the other and removing myself from its heaviness. 

 

 

But I realized the only way to get where you want in life and to do what you want, to reach your dreams and to reach your goals, is to strive for them.  So many people walk through this life living in their dreams, but never TRY to achieve them. 

 

I'm finally seeing some results from my writing, because I write every day now.  I don't say I wish I was a writer and never write a sentence.  I say, I wish I was a writer and I have a goal to write every day. It's the same way with any goal in your life.  If you set goals and you start acting you can remove yourself from the dismalness of the fog too.  Even when it seems like nothing can change and everything is horrible baby steps will get you where you're going: into the light where nothing can hold you back.

 

 



A Runner's Diary

My compression sleeves came in yesterday, and I tried them out today.  I do have to say they really help the shin splints!  These things are comfortable too.  I don't know why, but the word compression made me think they'd be really tight. They're not.  They fit nicely over my calves and it's like having a second layer of skin.  Plus, they are the fashion statement of the century!  I mean, these things are stylish!!!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DNO3IBS/ref=twister_B005JW0ZPO

I only ran a measly 1.09 miles today.  I'm trying to build up this week.  1 today, 2 tomorrow, 3 Friday.  I'm working on pacing.  This weekend I went running and my pace was too fast and by 2.65 miles I couldn't run anymore.  I'm trying to get to the point where I can pace and run the whole thing without feeling completely worn out by the end.  Today my pace was 12 minutes 30 seconds.  That's pretty slow, but I don't really care because at that pace I could have gone another mile or two easily and possibly increased my 2nd mile pace and definitely increased my 3rd mile pace. 

Number One, the athlete in the family, told me the other day, "Mom, you should take your time running your first and second mile and then sprint the third.  If you do that, then you're sure to win, because most people run too fast in the 1st and 2nd mile and then are worn out by the end."

I'm part of the "most people" he's talking about.  I really do think the cross-training is helping though.  I've been cycling, doing Zumba, swimming, and I feel like it's helped me gain control of my breathing so when I run I don't generally feel like I'm going to have an asthma attack anymore.  My capacity for cardio has increased.  Weight training on the other hand...

Today, because it was unnecessarily cold (thank you Mother Nature for throwing that curve ball--it's almost May, don't ya know?) I kept coughing.  Running is the one sport where it's acceptable to wipe your snot on your sleeve and keep going.  I often think about things like that when my feet are pounding the pavement and also this: If you're running a marathon do you just pee in your pants?  I think I would.  I always have to pee and there's no way I could run that far without going.  There's no way I'll ever run that far anyway.  I'm not a long distance runner.  I want to be able to run 5 miles comfortably and just do it again and again and again, but I have absolutely no desire to torture my body and run 26.2 miles. 

I digress.  This week my challenge to myself is to maintain a 12 minute pace and run 2 and 3 miles tomorrow and Friday.  I also want to run the downtown route on Saturday, so I can work on hills for the 5k I'm running on the 26th. 

 

Let's get this party started!

Working Toward a Goal Again

It's raining cats and dogs here today.  Torrential rain accompanied by near-constant lightning and thunder. When I was little, I used to say God was having a bowling party, and that's what it sounds like outside. The thunder is so loud the glass in the window next to my chair just vibrated.  Oh I can't wait to do school drop-off in this weather and drive to work through sheets of rain.

Needless to say, I didn't run this morning.  This is our second day of rain, and I didn't run yesterday even though I should have.  The rain yesterday fell all day, but there wasn't a thunderstorm. 

I have decided I can't do three days in a row of running.  I know I've said before that "can't" is another four letter word, but the muscles in my legs hurt, especially around my previous injury and I worry and don't run efficiently.  I'm separating my running days by a rest day now, and I think it will really help.  I'm not just "resting" on my rest day.  I'm doing other activities: Zumba, Spin, or simply going to the gym to run the treadmill and lift weights.  Tonight, I'm going to Zumba.  I mainly feel silly doing Zumba, because I don't think I'm the best dancer but I like the exercise and the music!  It's fun, and before you know it--it's over. 

I had grand visions of beating my time in this 5K race I'm doing here in a few weeks, but I've decided that's not really important.  What's important is getting out there and doing it.  Training by body to run the whole way, and then doing another 5K in a month or so.  Just getting on the wagon and not falling off. 

I feel like last year I came so far.  I'd really made exercise part of my life.  I'd lost weight.  And then--somehow I gained part of it back.  I stopped working out as much.  I started eating more, and now it feels like there's a mountain in front of me to climb.  I know I can do it though.  I went back and read some of my weight loss posts from the last few years, and I can see how to succeed.  It's just getting there.  That's the hard part. 

 

 

 

 

I'm Superwoman Fast!

I went out running this morning, just me and the pollen whooping it up!  Either I've gotten really fast, or my GPS messed up.  I completed my first mile in 8 minutes 29 seconds, although I think it was really about 10 minutes 29 seconds by the time I made a mile.  And I completed my second mile in record time: 6 minutes and 21 seconds.  I've gone from turtle slow to Superwoman Fast!  Or--my GPS stunk today and couldn't figure out where the heck I was going. 

I'll go with Superwoman fast, because I'm always an optimist and rarely a realist.  Today was my Challenge day to run 2 miles and according to Endomondo I ran 2.65 miles in 21 minutes and 21 seconds. I'm thinking I ran about 2 miles in that time, but who knows.  I'm just glad I got out there and ran. 

Running is such a challenge for me every time I do it.  I have my breathing on track, which is half the battle.   I don't feel like I'm huffing and puffing or dying, but most of the time one of my muscles in my legs or calves start to tweak, and I want to stop.  Today, I felt the best I ever had running.  I let my mind run through the list of items I had on tap for today.  I worked on plotting out a story in my head, and at one point it didn't feel like I was running at all, it just felt like I was going somewhere. 

I really do think the key to running is to get your mind out of it.  Release yourself and your tension, the way you do with Yoga.   You have to find a way to not realize what you're doing while you're doing it.  Make it second nature, like the words flowing out of your mouth when you're speaking your naturally-born language. 

I've been there before, and I'm going to get there again: this time without injuring myself!

If It Doesn't Challenge You, Then It Doesn't Change You

Today was my run day.  I didn't go. Instead, I decided to take a rest day and move my run days to Wednesday through Friday of this week.  I went to Spin yesterday and Zumba on Sunday, and the backs of my thighs are sore, plus my lats and my back muscles.   It's a good kind of pain though. The meaningful kind that tells you you're making progress. 

In Spin, I like to close my eyes and pretend I'm riding out in the middle of the country.  I can see the grass swaying in the breeze and out in the distance is a red barn.  In the class, I'm always working to reach that red barn.  I have no idea what my instructor thinks when I close my eyes.  It helps though, for whatever reason, to remove yourself from the here and now and pretend you're somewhere else.  It always allows me to spin faster and forget about the pain.  My RPMs jump up and sometimes I can increase the tension on the bike, getting a better workout.  

I'd like to do that while I'm running, but let's face it, running with your eyes closed is simply not a good idea!  I'd probably fall in a hole.   For me, exercise is not fun.  I always enjoy it AFTERWARDS.  Afterwards, I say to myself that I'm so glad I went, that I love the way I feel energized and the way my body aches.  During exercise, I'm always hating it, unless I can pretend I'm somewhere else or really just get into the song and then it's easier.  Yesterday, Charles played some oldies but goodies, and I sang along like you only sing in the shower.   Release your inhibitions and just go for it. 

My challenge for the rest of this week is to run the next three days, 2 miles tomorrow, 3 miles Thursday and 4 miles on Friday.  Friday will be tough, as I haven't done a four mile run in over a year.  I'll do my best to meet the goal though, and if I fail then at least I know I tried. 

Discipline

Today is going to be a busy Saturday, though much less busy and much more relaxing than a Saturday during meet season.  I love Son Number One's gymnastics meet season, but it wears me out with the travel and the constant running around.  It is always a relief when it is over. 

I did not meet my weekly challenge to run for the rest of the week.  We had a bit of a monsoon, and I didn't really feel like running in a thunderstorm.  Lightning is not my friend.  I hate treadmill running.  For some reason, I completely suck at it.  I can't get going on the treadmill. I feel better when I have the outside world to run in.  It helps me free my mind.  So, today the rain is supposed to dissipate, and I'm planning on fitting in a 2-3 mile run.  I need the routine to enforce the discipline of running, to increase my endurance, and to feel comfortable running a 5K in approximately one month. 

Speaking of 5Ks: I'm running with my office, and I'm trying to fund raise.  You can click here to donate, if you'd like.  It's for the Walk of Life: funding for mammograms for people who can't afford it and for early detection of breast cancer. 

Back to discipline.  Discipline is such an important part of life.   Taekwondo taught me discipline, and it's one reason I miss going there. I also miss the social outlet.  I made some great friends there.  But the discipline is incredible: literally training your body to do what you tell it to do, and having to go a certain amount of times a week and being accountable.  These are all things I'm trying to do on my own now, and it's about ten times harder without people to encourage you.  But I'm doing it.  I'm putting myself out there, and I'm exercising.  I'm making myself have discipline, which is not something that comes naturally to me.  I'm a rule breaker, and I've always been willy nilly and done what I've wanted to do.  I've never cared too much for things that require self control and discipline, but it is a skill and it improves with a little work and requires stepping out of my comfort zone. 

Another member of our family will be working on discipline today too:

That's right: Skippy is starting discipline school.  It's much needed too.  He's a spoiled rotten dog.  He loves to jump up and give kisses.  That's the Jack Russell in him.  He can be so sweet and such a lap dog, but he's developed some bad habits, so we're going to make sure he gets the proper training to be disciplined and do what he's supposed to!  I never thought I could love a dog as much as I love this little guy though.  Just seeing him in the morning makes me smile.

Discipline: the theme of the week in the Greene household. 

Update: Since It's Been an Eternity

I did 2 miles today.  On my way to meet my challenge for the week.  One of my biggest complaints is I'm so slow.  I complained to my sister yesterday about that, via text, and she said don't worry about the speed, worry about the mileage.  Speed will come if you run more.

She's right.  Today I did an 11.23 minute mile and then a 10.21 minute mile.  The whole time I was complaining to myself.  Does anyone else do this while they exercise?  I swear, everyone in the world tells me I'm too positive, but when I exercise I am negative to myself!  I tell myself, "This is stupid. Why am I running?  I hate running!  I hate exercise."  Maybe it's getting past that negativity that gives you the runner's high?  Who knows!

I felt good when I finished today, and I know I'm going to put myself out there tomorrow...and.every.other.day.this.week!

In other news, Darling Daughter and I are going to see Disney Live on Thursday night.  I can't wait to have a date with this little cutie:

Not the big guy on the right.  That's her Uncle who recently came to visit.  Darling Daughter is so funny lately.  She tells me about a hundred times a day, "Mommy, I love you.  Mommy, you're my best friend!"  Melt my heart!  She still has short hair, and when anyone comments on it she says, "Don't worry--it'll grow!"  I guess she's heard me say that about a million times.  She is still in love with flip flops.  They are her favorite.  I bought her new ones last week, and we were walking out at Eastchase, and every person she would see, she would say, "Don't you love my flip flops?"  There's not a shy bone in her!

Number Two is doing fairly well too.  He is loving soccer this season.  He was just in an off Broadway production of Bugz, where he played the star roll of Firefly.  He had four lines, which he recited dutifully, but without a smile.  He looked like he might throw up from nerves for most of the play!  He continues to listen and be the most help out of all the kids.  He's always willing to help out, and he is usually our most laid back child, but boy, can he throw some fits!  He has a loud streak in him, and he will scream and shout, sometimes when he's just trying to talk to you.

 

 



And last, but not least, is my biggest one of all: Number One.  Number One will celebrate his double digit birthday this year: how time flies!  He came in 3rd all around at the Alabama Men's State Gymnastic Meet. His team came in first.  He continues to excel at school.  He is a daredevil, and he's always getting hurt.  He recently ran into a parked car on his bike, and he had a black eye for about two weeks.  He can be so sweet to his sister, Darling Daughter, and he can be so sweet to us but he also suffers from the Mommy Temper (same temper I used to have!).  Overall, he's doing so well and I'm so proud of him.  He shows me every day how disciplined and motivated he is, and he is an inspiration to me. 

Runner's Block

I wonder if it's possible to have runner's block.  I mean, I've heard of writer's block, and by the looks of it--I have that too. 

Every time, lately, I go for a run and my mind blocks me from getting it accomplished.  I think thoughts along the line of this, "What if my leg starts hurting again?" or "What if I can't breath."  Oh the challenges of post-injury running and asthma! 

This morning, I had no good excuse.  It was a brisk 47 degrees, and my breaths were synchronized from the start, and yet I kept stopping.  My mind was screaming, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STOPPING, yet I kept doing it.  I'm training of a 5K, but at this rate I'll be walking it.  I guess that's okay.  Some days I think I'm jut not cut out to be a runner.

Yesterday I received some advice in an unlikely place, Chappy's Deli.  I'd taken the boys there for lunch while Rob visited the dentist for the first time in ten, er four years.  While the boys ate hamburgers and I dug into a very healthy buffalo chicken wrap, ranch dressing and all, our waiter sort of neglected us, until he didn't. 

He came over and yawned then apologized by saying, "I'm sorry I ran 10 miles this morning before work."

"I'm a wannabe runner," I said. 

"Yeah?  Well I was in the military, and then I packed on the pounds. I've lost 60 since I started running again in October.  I know you wouldn't believe that.  I'd packed on the muscle and bulked up and it all turned to fat after I stopped exercising. I'm running the Joy to Life Run in April."

"I'm trying to do that run too.  I did it last year, and then I was injured and I've had a hard time recovering."

"When I run I pretend I'm somewhere else.  Like fantasy--I'll pretend I'm watching my favorite show, or traveling, or I'll just delve into my music and before I know it--the run is over, before it feels like it began.  Also--the best way to get better at running short distances is to run long distances."

So--I'm going to take his advice.  I'm going to go to fantasy land in my head, aka take my head out of it.  He went on to tell me I'm defeating myself.  He said running is so much about body over mind, that I have to get my mind out of it.  That's hard for someone who has a thinking problem like me, but I just need to do it. 

I'm challenging myself to run every day this week, even if I only run a mile at a time--something is better than nothing.  And I'm not starting the long distances yet.  First I have to get to the 3.1 miles without stopping myself--then I can talk ten. 

Goal Update and STUFF

It's been a week since I posted my goals, and that means I need to check off how I did, and I'll also blog about some seemingly random other stuff.

• Lose 1 Pound: I kicked this!  I lost 1 lb this week. I would have lost more if I didn't gorge myself on Mexican and chips, but losing weight is all about MODERATION and not DEPRIVATION, as I've tried to beat into your head many times.  I exercised EVERY.SINGLE.DAY this week (except yesterday-yesterday was my rest day).  I'm the type of person who NEEDS exercise.  It makes me happier and healthier, and I have to exercise to lose weight or else that fat just sticks to my bones or something. 

• Write 500 words: Sadly--I did not make this goal. I edited a little bit, and I started reading up about self publishing.  I spoke to some friends on one of the baby boards I'm on, and I have some good ideas.  I need to stop procrastinating, but I seriously HATE editing.  In the words of Nike: JUST DO IT, Lauren!!!

• Clean my Room: I feel like a little kid typing that, but the truth is I'm a horrible slob.  Mostly because there are more important things in my life I'd rather be doing (or not so much more important, but things I'd rather do).  I see this mentality in my kids already, so I really need to stop and just push myself to clean up.  I cleaned up HALF the room, so that counts for something.  I just haven't finished cleaning out the Ebay boxes, and now it's time to list again. 

• Blog: As you can see, I've been blogging again.  That's a no brainer.  I love blogging the morning.  I feel like it gets the wheels turning in my brain and sets me in motion for a productive and successful day.

Other things I've done this week:

• Taekwondo: Monday-Wednesday night.  I sparred and was punched in the head (quite by accident), but I had a nice little bruise where my eyebrows should be!

• Ran: I'm slowly building up again.  Today I did a 11 minute 22 second mile.  Then I walked.  The shin doesn't hurt, but sometimes the muscles around it seem tight so I have to back up.  Building up again is hard, but I know I can do.

• Worked with the Kids on Reading Skills: I've been a little bit worried about Number Two's reading skills.  I signed up for ABC Mouse, and we've been going through the curriculum, and I think his pre-reading skills are okay now.  It's been fun to sit and watch the kids go through the program and talk about it and ask them what sounds certain letters make.  We've really had some good one on one time doing this, and I love that!

Begin Again

I started running again on Saturday.  I'm taking it slow.  I threw myself full force back into Taekwondo last week, and even with jumping I didn't have pain in my stress fracture.  I know I need to take it easy and build up with the running.

Yesterday I ran 1.01 miles in 10 minutes 22 seconds.  I was trying to achieve between an 11 and 12 minute mile.  I have such problems with pacing, and I wear myself out because of it, and then I want to stop. 

Today, I ran 1.02 miles in 13 minutes 32 seconds.  This was too slow, but I was really having a problem with the humidity today.  I actually walked a mile afterwards, and I walked FASTER than I had run.  I walked 1.04 miles in 12 minutes 51 seconds!  Oh well--it's a process, and I built up before.  I'll do it again!

I feel like running is such mind over matter.  Half the time I'm running, my brain wanders and begins to tell me I can't keep going.  You have to train your brain and your body in order to get into shape, and in order to run.  You have to look at the street in front of you and think to yourself, "a mile is really not that far."  You have to tell yourself that you CAN DO THIS, and most of all you have to just KEEP going.  In the end, it's completely worth it. 

Thirty Minutes a Day to Achieve Your Goals

I've been working really hard to stay motivated with my weight loss.  I think I mentioned I gained 10 pounds, and now I'm trying to take it off...AGAIN.  For me, for my lifetime, it will be a never ending battle. I am just not one of those girls who can eat whatever they want, exercise when they feel like it, and stay skinny.  I'm big-boned, which is really just a nice way of saying "thick." 

But, I don't mind.  I like my curves.  I like that I have hips.  Not very much of my weight is in my stomach, so I know that plays out well for me in regards to heart disease.  I eat well, and I exercise, and I sometimes splurge, so I know I'm setting a healthy example for my family.

I have been logging into MyFitnessPal every day and logging my food every day, in part from my sister who has been texting me every day if she doesn't see my Food Diary.  I love the accountability.  I actually think what her reaction will be if I ate a Super Size Cheeseburger meal and fries.  And, we tell each other when we cheat, the struggles we have staying within our points system, and our exercise achievements.

Speaking of exercise: I'm dying to go back to Taekwondo.  It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning.  I miss it so much.  I like the discipline, and I like having someone motivate me.  Plus, I miss my friends from there.  We all just have so much fun.

If I'm sitting at home, I can always find a "valid" excuse to avoid exercise.  I need to read, or clean out the closets, or play with the kids.  All of these are noble, but they shouldn't take the place of daily exercise.

Today, I jumped on the trampoline for 15 minutes with Darling Daughter.  I don't think that burns many calories, but I did hurkeys and toe-touches, and it felt great.  I also don't know whether I should be doing that with my leg, or whether it is considered "weight-bearing" exercise, but I would think not since you are not banging down on heavy pavement.  After that, I came in and did some strength training exercises with the medicine ball.  I did sit-ups and dreaded push-ups.  I don't think there will ever be a day when I LOVE push-ups.  They are just not for me. 

I felt so good to be using my body.  I can always feel a difference in my happiness level when I exercise.  I can always feel the benefits of it, no matter how little I do, and every time I exercise I think: why did it take me so long to recommit to doing this for my body?  There's nothing like looking at your body and feeling so good about coming so far and realizing the reason you achieved your goals was because you put your mind to it. 

And to top it all off: I stepped on the scale this morning, and I lost THREE pounds.  Tangible benefits.

So my goal is to do 30 minutes a day of exercise over the next week.  I have to build back up somewhere, and now that the bronchitis is exiting my body and my stress fracture is feeling better, I know I will achieve my goal.  I will just think of this guy, when I am sitting on the couch and trying to find someway to make up excuses...

The 30 minutes do not have to be in a row.  You can find exercise by looking for it: gardening, taking the stairs, CLEANING. 

Never Quit.  Achieve your goals.

The End of the World As We Know It

I couldn't sleep this morning.  I woke up in my bed, stared at the ceiling, cuddled with a little girl who won't stay in her own bed, then I set one foot on the ground and resigned myself to the fact that today is going to be a very long day.  I don't feel well. I went to bed early, which is why I woke up at 3 AM.  I had my coffee, but I want another cup. 

I'm having writer's block this week.  I don't think I'm necessarily getting discouraged, but maybe that's what it is.  Maybe I'm depressed since I can't run or do Taekwondo.  I don't know.  I am cycling, so at least I'm getting some exercise. 

I'm reading too.  A LOT.  I'm almost done with I Am Legend, which I started on Sunday.  The book reads fast, and you can just imagine Neville's solitude as he is the only person left alive in the world, fighting against something he doesn't quite understand.  I realized why reading it yesterday that I love end of the world books.  I loved The Road.  I loved On the Beach.  These are my favorite kind of books, and I wonder why?  Maybe because usually it is one person trying to triumph over a seemingly lost cause.  The underdog becoming the hero.  Naturally, humans are concerned with the end of the world, things as we know it changing completely, and our habitat becoming uninhabitable.  These thoughts and ideas bring up all sorts of questions, such as: what happens when you die, who or what will inhabit the world after we're gone, and then all the questions about how mankind will most likely be the master of their own demise.  Almost all of the end of the world books occur because of some war, some bomb, some human-made nightmare inflicting pain and hurt on others, as well as ourselves.  Human nature.

My Dad told me this joke this week, I guess he saw it in magazine or something, so I had to look it up.  Here it is:

 



 

It made me laugh, because it's so true!  Humans have a tendency to think they are invincible.  They are the strongest, the most powerful, but the truth is: if we destroy the earth, then we destroy ourselves.  Maybe there is a rhyme behind the reason though.  Maybe mankind is meant to make the world unlivable for themselves, thus making it livable for other species to come.  The dinosaurs died off to make room for the humans.  Maybe we're supposed to die off to make room for something else.  Hopefully not vampires, like in I Am Legend.  That would just be plain scary...

 

My thoughts at 4 in the morning are apparently pretty dark, but I do think this is something we need to think about.  It makes me sad that mankind, so much of the time, has so little regard for their habitat.  It makes me sad there are people out there who are killing themselves and others in the name of religion.  It makes me sad there are megalomaniacs in power who "get off" on touting they will nuke their neighbor, just to have some ego power trip.  Sometimes humans' minds are too powerful for their own good.  Sometimes I think it would be better if we were in a less-complicated world or time...

 

 



Injury Purgatory

Ok.  So, I'm injured.  I'd been sort of half-ignoring the nagging feeling in my leg since the end of January.  I mean, it HURT when I ran, so I took about a month off then started running again.  I think I went at it too quickly, full force, because after my 5K it started hurting all.the.time. 

The 5K was on Saturday, so I'm not talking weeks here, just days.  I'm sort of aware of why I felt like I was going to throw up after the 5K now...not because of adrenaline but most likely from the pain of the injury.  The few days of torture, pain, and the complete swelling of my leg to about twice it size after Taekwondo on Tuesday night finally sent me to the doctor.  Stress Fracture.  In my Tibia.  Most likely cause.  I declined being sent to an orthopedist just for them to do a bone scan to tell me so.  My doctor is a runner, and he has had one before, and he said all the symptoms I'm describing and the spot tenderness = stress fracture. 

He was nice though.  He didn't put my leg in a boot or cast.  He told me I couldn't run or do Taekwondo for at least six weeks, but I can cycle.  I think I'll be breaking out the old bike and trying to get my exercise in that way.  I've come too far just to completely stop exercising cold turkey.  I need the stress relief, and I need to burn calories so I can actually EAT.

Hubby looked at me yesterday, and he said, "I guess this means we really need to start watching what we eat again."  Um yeah. 

I do have to admit: Lately I've been horribly inefficient at watching what I eat.  I've been eating a lot more than I should, loving ice cream and brownies and all sorts of goodies that are actually terribly bad for you!  Plus...beer.  I love beer.  It is probably my downfall, and Hubby just bought me a whole pack of Sam Adam's from Costco.  I will have to put in some serious miles on my bike before I allow myself to drink those!!!

Things are always changing, and you can't let it get you down.  I'm disappointed I have to take off from Taekwondo and from running for six weeks, but I just have to throw myself full force into my alternative and not feel sorry for myself or say, "Woe is me I can't do what I want to do."  I really think that is the key to feeling happy: taking a negative situation and turning it into a positive instead. 

Remind me in six weeks to start off slow, ok?  I can't just start running three miles again or doing crazy jump spin side kicks right away.  I have to build back up so I don't reinjure myself. 

Spring Has Sprung

I had one of those glorious weekends that you never want to end.  I took off Friday, and I had a day completely to myself.  I read, I went for a run.  I did nothing productive, besides one load of laundry, and then 15 minutes of a board breaking class at Taekwondo.  I soaked in the tub, and I took a nap.  I recharged my batteries.  It was the most wonderful feeling!

On Saturday, our day was full.  We went, along with some friends, for a walk in the Tuskegee National Forest on the Bartram Trail.  We went with the Fresh Air Family for a free talk about the flowers and the trees and the stories that go along with them. Being in the South, most of the anecdotes were Christian, but the trail was beautiful, and we enjoyed it.  I forgot how much I miss being in the woods.  Every time I go for a hike it takes me back to my college days and post college days where I would hike with friends and with Hubby.  After college, Hubby and I would pick a different state park every weekend and go camping and hiking.  We did this for months until he was bitten by a tick and got Lyme disease and decided against it!  I want my kids to have those nature experiences though, and so far they seem to love it, even though I had to lug Darling Daughter most of the way!

Alabama in the Spring time is gorgeous.  Living here, Spring is my favorite season.  Everything blooms with such brilliance you just want to reach out and touch them.  My favorite on this hike were the native azaleas.  They have such a beautiful flower, and I would try to grow these but my Dad says they are hard to germinate.

My sons discovered, with the help of our trail leader, that Shamrock is really tasty.  My oldest is on the lookout for Shamrock every time he leaves the house now.  He almost ate my parent's whole garden full, and he told us yesterday we needed to plant some Shamrock in our backyard. He also successfully pointed out the poison ivy on this trip, so I am content in the knowledge he won't touch it from now on!  Itchy.

We had the most perfect weather.  Sunny, not humid, and highs in the high 70s to low 80s.  There was a slight breeze all weekend, and we spent probably about six hours on Sunday outside at the playground, in the backyard, walking (and I went running).  It was one of those days where you dread coming indoors, and you dread the pinks and purples filling up the sky to indicate the sun going down.  A day you want never to end. 

As we were about to get the kids ready to go to bed last night Number One asked if he could go outside and jump on the trampoline one last time.

I said, "No it's getting dark."

He said, "But this has just been the most perfect day.  I don't want it to end."

Took the words right out of my mouth, kid.

Joy to Life

I know.  I've been missing in action.  I haven't blogged for over a week.  I've been seriously busy with LIFE.

What have I been doing that's taking up so much of my time?

1) Getting three kids to smile, while wearing pretty clothes (um, make that handsome clothes for the boys)...and a BOW!!!

 

 

2) I'm pretty sure this one speaks for itself...

 

 

 



3) Reading -- I've pretty much had my head stuck in a book the last two or three weeks...or maybe my whole life. 

 

 

4) Eating -- hey, it was Easter.  Um, I'm paying for the splurge now to the tune of 5 extra pounds!

 

 

 

THINGS I DIDN'T DO OVER THE LAST WEEK, BUT SHOULD HAVE DONE:

 

1) Exercise--boo.  I was lazy.

 





2) Clean -- this could be on my list every week.  I hate cleaning.

 

 

And last, but certainly not least, the one thing I'm very proud of having DONE THIS WEEK was signing up for the Joy to Life Walk/Run. I will do the 5K!  I need to train MORE.  Aghh!!!  I signed up yesterday, and I earned a free cupcake at Gigi's (as if I needed more incentive to exercise!)   I want to raise $500. Click below and just put in my name, Lauren Greene, and make your donation to this cause.  This cause is very personal to me, because my grandmother had the cancer gene, and she had cancer many times in her life, including breast cancer.  We all know someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer, so why not give towards finding a cure.  THANKS!!!

 

                                         CLICK RIGHT HERE TO DONATE