An Accident Waiting To Happen

Yesterday, I was in a foul mood. I was letting those dishrags in the sink get to me. I've been waking up at 3:30 AM every morning, mostly I think because my mind can't sleep. I have a lot to do, and when I wake up early I am always productive.  I went through the day letting everything anyone say irk me, and by the end of the day I was exhausted. I hit the gym, and I did two miles on the treadmill and laughed probably for the first time that day while running and watching, "Juno."

When I came home, I wanted to work on my synopsis, on fixing typos and editing another work, and I wanted to get another few hundred words into my work in progress, Little Birdhouses. But more than that, I wanted to curl up in bed and go to sleep by 8:30.  You know what they say about the best laid plans.

I consciously ignored the kids while I worked through my manuscript for about an hour. Hubby put the kids in the bath one at a time. We had a cold front come through, so our gas fireplace was on. And Number Two comes in the room, prancing around butt naked and bends over, sticking his butt right on the hot glass (I'll remove this post before he's a teenager and it embarrasses him too much).

At first, I didn't think he had hurt himself. He cried immediately, but not a heavy cry, more a shock of a cry. And then he started screaming, and he wouldn't stop for about forty-five minutes. Burns hurt. Well, we debated, is this a first degree burn or a second degree burn? We cooled it down, put him in a cool bath, and put aloe on it, but still he couldn't sit on it. He said it hurt so badly, and the burn was angry, red and swollen. Hubby went to pick up Number One from gymnastics (where he basically lives), and I stayed home with the little two. I finally got Number Two settled and asleep on the couch, about forty-five minutes after the incident, when Number One burst into the room and woke him up. Hubby put silver gel on the burn, the pharmacist's recommendation, which elicited a whole new outbreak of cries. He requested, "You Are My Sunshine," and then promptly cried himself to sleep.

Poor Number Two. .He's always getting hurt. First the broken wrist, then the punctured head, and now this.

I felt like the day was leading up to that point--just a day where you know something is off. Do you ever have that feeling?

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There's No Turning Back Now!

Yesterday was a monumental day for me.  Yesterday, I changed my life.  Yesterday, I did something I've been saying I was going to do for years.  Yesterday, I listed my book on Amazon for pre-sale.

You can pre-order it here: http://www.amazon.com/No-Turning-Back-Lauren-Greene-ebook/dp/B00SM94ENU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1422013133&sr=8-1&keywords=No+turning+back+by+lauren+greene&pebp=1422013147725&peasin=B00SM94ENU

It's also now on Goodreads, so if you love it (which I hope you do), you can add a review.

Link to my Goodreads author's page: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/13113697.Lauren_Greene

The thing is, the day went by like every other.  I went to work, I went to Number Two's basketball practice, I came home and ate dinner with the family, then we all snuggled on the couch and watched an episode of "The Simpson's."  After the kids went to bed, I worked for two hours on sending another piece of work in for submission and putting, "No Turning Back," on Amazon.

People ask me how I do everything I do. I have a lot going on in my life: I work a full time job, take care of three kids, write, and sell Jamberry nails. I exercise consistently, and I have a social life too.

The thing is, when you have a dream you do whatever it takes to achieve it.  If you really want to succeed in life, then you have to work for it and stop waiting for it to come to you.  It won't ever come to you, if you don't put the effort into making it happen.  Three years ago, I was "woe is me". I wanted to be an author, but I didn't realize the work I had to put into it (and let me tell you, it's a lot of work but well worth it). To make it happen, I've had to spend countless hours writing, editing, socializing with writer's groups, reading about how to create an e-book (which I didn't have to do on my own thanks to +Dash McCallen), and figuring out how to get my name out there.  The book may sell one copy, or fifty copies, or it could be a bestseller.  I don't really care.  What I do care about is that I decided I was going to do this, and I went for it.  I stopped worrying about what everyone else thinks about me. I know there will be people who don't like my book, and that's okay.  I stopped doubting myself.  I started believing in the power of me, and that gave me the ability to live my dreams.

You can live yours too!

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What's Your Purpose?

I've decided the way to be happy is to be purpose driven.  A few years ago, there was a popular book out called, "The Purpose Driven Life," by Rick Warren.  It was a Christian book, and I never read it, so I can't pretend to know what it was about.  But for some reason, since I heard about this book I've never read, I have thought about this: how do you live a purpose driven life?

What's your purpose for being on the earth?  Do you go through your days feeling lost and alone? Or are you one of these people who is always surrounded by others, knows exactly what to do, and is driven towards success?  For a few years, I really struggled with my purpose.  I didn't have many friends when I moved back to Alabama. I spent a few years sitting in front of the television, playing with babies, and eating my emotions away.  I would read stories of people who were wildly successful writers, and I would think, "How'd they do that? I could never do that."  But the truth is: anyone can become successful by actively setting goals and achieving them.

I finally figured out my purpose, and it is embedded in a lot of other aspects of my life, but my purpose for being alive is to write.  I'm driven to do it, and as such, it's the one thing I need to throw myself into wholeheartedly.  I write for myself. Sure, I'd love to become a famous author, and I'm trying.  TRYING. This is the thing I was missing before. I was all "woe is me, I will never become a writer." Well of course, I wasn't going to be a successful writer if I wasn't writing at all.  If I never even tried to promote my book.  If I sat on the couch, watching endless hours of television and not writing a word on my laptop, then I'd never get anywhere. If I couldn't bother to edit my book, because it was just to hard. If I didn't realize that achieving your dreams takes a lot of hard work, and a long time to accomplish.  These are all excuses we tell ourselves out of FEAR.  Fear of living the life we're supposed to live, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of love: you name it.

The way to find your purpose is to find out what you love to do, and then DO IT.  Go for it, with all your heart!  Write every day if you're a writer.  Stop being afraid to do what you really want to do or what you really need to do for yourself. Stop blaming other people for your lack of success. Start looking at yourself and see how you can make your drams come true.  You miss out on a lot by being afraid: on life, on love, on finding your purpose.  Don't let that happen to you.

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New Year, New Hair

New Year, New Hair.  I started out the new year, making changes, as most people do.  We all set forth with resolutions. I'll finally clean out that closet, even if it takes me a year (and it will, simply because it's not important to me).  I'll finally lose the fifty pounds of fat that's been hanging around my body too long.

Every New Year, people strive to make a new person out of themselves.. And why?  Because celebrating a new year is about celebrating life and renewal.  You have a whole year laid out in front of you, in which you can do ANYTHING.  You can write a book, or you can write 1,000 words a day like I'm doing.  You can get married, you could get pregnant and have a baby, you could get divorced, you could make new friends, take up a new sport. There are endless possibilities, which makes the new year such an excellent time to try to do something to better yourself and your life; to make you happy.

This new year, I started out with new hair, thanks to my Mom.  She bought me a blonde wig for Christmas that took me out of my comfort zone.  For a liberal, I'm very conservative.  I have always dressed demurely, and I've been comfortable with my own style, but this one was a shocker. I think it changes my whole look, and probably for the better based on all the compliments I've received. Here's a selfie:

I'm one of those people, who in a snap of my fingers, can change the way I look: alopecia has made me lucky in that respect. But sometimes, when you're trying to achieve goals, you do need to change it up. You need to, not necessarily change your hair, but to change what you're doing in order to achieve your goals: be that a mental change, a physical change or an emotional change.

I'm sure you've heard the definition of insanity about doing the same thing and expecting different results (it's all over the internet, just type it in and observe): it just doesn't work. Yet so many of us do that. We get stuck in our comfort zone, our routine, and we do the same thing over and over and then we berate ourselves with negativity wondering why we can't:get published, get that closet cleaned, be a better mom; you name it! And then we have the tendency to wonder why we can't achieve our goals, when we never really tried in the first place. Such is human nature. 

This year, try something different. Define your goals, then make a game plan to achieve them. Make your goals quantifiable so you can measure whether you are achieving them. For example, I will edit for 30 minutes a day is a much better goal then the overwhelming, "Edit," which has no conceivable beginning, middle or end, and to me looks like plain torture!  Don't give up if you fail the first time. Use that failure to help you learn what to do next time.  Failure is often the key to success, if you persevere, because it's like a teaching: telling you what you did wrong and guiding you towards success.  

If you don't like the way one wig looks, then try on another.  

*This post was inspired by a wonderful chat with @10MinNovelists on how to make definable goals and stick with them.  

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Follow Through

It's 2015. Happy New Year! With a new year, resolutions always come.  Most people make a list of things they want to change in their life: exercise more, become healthier, lose 50 pounds, write a book, get published; and they don't follow through.

I've had a problem with follow through my whole life.  In fact, two years I wrote a book, talked it up, and then let it sit on my laptop.  The word(s) of my year is "Follow Through."  To follow through, you can't give up.  The words inherently hold the other three words: don't give up.  Don't think you can't. Instead think you can.  

I don't know about you, but for a lot of my life I've been scared to do things. I'm a capable person, but I always had this feeling I couldn't. I'm not smart enough to do that; I would never know how to start; What if I do that and it bothers people?  I had this little voice in my head just talking me down, sending negative feedback, that, unfortunately, for a long time I listened to.  Until, one day I didn't. One day, I thought, "Hey, if that idiot can publish a book then so can I?"  If that guy who used to weigh 300 pounds can run a 5k, then so can I!"  I changed the way I thought but letting go of the fear, which is so hard, but can be done with practice and by setting small goals and achieving them one at a time.

This year, I'm going to be busy, because I'm in a group to write 1,000 words a day.  I also recently joined Jamberry, and I'll have to put some time into that if I want to be successful.  I need to finish editing my book, so I can self-publish.  I also want to begin querying again, so I can add to my rejection pile.  All of that with three kids, a full time job, and a house to clean.  Everynote's daily checklist is becoming my best friend.

But all of this is to say though it may be overwhelming the way to get things done is to FOLLOW THROUGH.  Tell yourself everyday: I CAN DO THIS!  And realize that a way to a happy life is finding your purpose, your reason why for getting up every morning and braving the world.  For me, my purpose is writing, and I'll do whatever it takes to succeed.

Be your biggest cheerleader.  Get it done. Achieve your goals.  Be tenacious.

FOLLOW THROUGH!

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What will you do in 2015?

2015 is knocking on our door.  Every year seems to move faster and faster.  I remember when I was little, and my parents used to say things like, "This year went by so fast," and I thought they were so ridiculous because the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed like an eternity, and the time between New Year's and the summer seemed even longer.  Now, I get it. As your perception changes, life seems to move faster.  Only yesterday, I had one newborn son, and now I have three kids and the oldest is 10.  Time keeps moving, and you can't stop it no matter how hard you try.

Every year, I set out to make goals for the new year.  Sometimes, I manage to achieve these goals and other times the year flies by and I've done nothing (well not nothing, but just nothing in the way of achieving my goals).  This year, my goals are going to be mostly writing oriented, because at this point in my life it's the most important thing to me.  Plus, if I don't set the goals I'll never get anywhere.  You never know what you can achieve if you don't try.

Here are my goals for 2015:

• In 2015, I will publish "No Turning Back."  I'm working, slowly, but surely on editing it right now.  I am also finding a cover, then I will format it for e-publishing.  I'll have a soft open and then a promotion period on Amazon.  Self-publishing is about a lot of self-marketing too.  So, I'll be on Twitter, Facebook, here (my blog), and Google+ doing giveaways.  Stay tuned for that, as well as some teasers from the book.  I'll be posting the first few chapters on #Wattpad the first week of January, then the book should be out on Amazon by mid-January 2015.  
• Polish "The Devil Within," and re-write certain sections.  I'm releasing a chapter every three days of this book on #Wattpad.  You can read it here:  http://www.wattpad.com/story/26698809-the-devil-within
• Finish my work-in-progress.  Find a suitable name. Edit. 
• Query one agent a month 
• Write at least 1,000 words a day.
• Blog twice a week

And now for non-writing goals

• Exercise at least three times a week
• Read one book a month (I tend to put down books while I'm writing, and this is not good). 
• Lose 10 pounds
• Start a professional blog. I'll keep this blog for personal blogging, but I'd like to separate out my writing blog. 

That's all folks!

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Through the Fog

I went running in the fog this morning.  A silken curtain of white dropped down from the sky.  When I was moving, my feet hitting the pavement, my breath coming in jagged little lines I hardly knew what was in front of me.  The fog was thick, and as I looked ahead it seemed like a solid mass that I wouldn't be able to penetrate.  And yet, I stepped right through and kept running until I couldn't run anymore.

When I was making my cool down walk home, I looked up and my heart starting pounding.  The mist had descended, heavy and low, and it looked like two plumes of smoke were rising directly above my house.  I thought about my family still tucked tightly in their beds, and I was scared they were stuck in a fiery house.  Until the illusion lifted, and I realized it was just the two trees standing next to each other in my backyard.

 

 

I was stuck in a fog for a long time.  For most of my life, I've drudged slowly through, not knowing where I was going and what I've wanted to do.  I've mistaken one thing for another, only to realize it was something completely different.  I've been tricked by the illusion that I couldn't succeed or be who I wanted to be. 

 

For me, the fog was crippling.  I'd sit down instead of walking through it, looking at it as a barrier instead of just a temporary roadblock, a small inconvenience. I've lived a lot of my life thinking woe is me, if only I could do this or that, if only I could write, if only I could make something of myself.  I failed to see I could remove myself from the fog by acting instead of just writhing in the pain of my existence. 

 

For a long time, I had dreams.  I had dreams I felt were unattainable.  I was negative about not being able to write for a living and not having hair and not having enough money.  I was always focused on what I didn't have and not on what I do have.  I ALWAYS wanted more.  The fog of disbelief kept me from moving forward, from putting one foot in front of the other and removing myself from its heaviness. 

 

 

But I realized the only way to get where you want in life and to do what you want, to reach your dreams and to reach your goals, is to strive for them.  So many people walk through this life living in their dreams, but never TRY to achieve them. 

 

I'm finally seeing some results from my writing, because I write every day now.  I don't say I wish I was a writer and never write a sentence.  I say, I wish I was a writer and I have a goal to write every day. It's the same way with any goal in your life.  If you set goals and you start acting you can remove yourself from the dismalness of the fog too.  Even when it seems like nothing can change and everything is horrible baby steps will get you where you're going: into the light where nothing can hold you back.

 

 



A Runner's Diary

My compression sleeves came in yesterday, and I tried them out today.  I do have to say they really help the shin splints!  These things are comfortable too.  I don't know why, but the word compression made me think they'd be really tight. They're not.  They fit nicely over my calves and it's like having a second layer of skin.  Plus, they are the fashion statement of the century!  I mean, these things are stylish!!!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DNO3IBS/ref=twister_B005JW0ZPO

I only ran a measly 1.09 miles today.  I'm trying to build up this week.  1 today, 2 tomorrow, 3 Friday.  I'm working on pacing.  This weekend I went running and my pace was too fast and by 2.65 miles I couldn't run anymore.  I'm trying to get to the point where I can pace and run the whole thing without feeling completely worn out by the end.  Today my pace was 12 minutes 30 seconds.  That's pretty slow, but I don't really care because at that pace I could have gone another mile or two easily and possibly increased my 2nd mile pace and definitely increased my 3rd mile pace. 

Number One, the athlete in the family, told me the other day, "Mom, you should take your time running your first and second mile and then sprint the third.  If you do that, then you're sure to win, because most people run too fast in the 1st and 2nd mile and then are worn out by the end."

I'm part of the "most people" he's talking about.  I really do think the cross-training is helping though.  I've been cycling, doing Zumba, swimming, and I feel like it's helped me gain control of my breathing so when I run I don't generally feel like I'm going to have an asthma attack anymore.  My capacity for cardio has increased.  Weight training on the other hand...

Today, because it was unnecessarily cold (thank you Mother Nature for throwing that curve ball--it's almost May, don't ya know?) I kept coughing.  Running is the one sport where it's acceptable to wipe your snot on your sleeve and keep going.  I often think about things like that when my feet are pounding the pavement and also this: If you're running a marathon do you just pee in your pants?  I think I would.  I always have to pee and there's no way I could run that far without going.  There's no way I'll ever run that far anyway.  I'm not a long distance runner.  I want to be able to run 5 miles comfortably and just do it again and again and again, but I have absolutely no desire to torture my body and run 26.2 miles. 

I digress.  This week my challenge to myself is to maintain a 12 minute pace and run 2 and 3 miles tomorrow and Friday.  I also want to run the downtown route on Saturday, so I can work on hills for the 5k I'm running on the 26th. 

 

Let's get this party started!

The First Mile Is Always the Hardest

I ran a slow mile today, while my phone dictated again that I was Superwoman Fast.  I was not.  Something is wrong with my GPS--I'm sure.  I came home, and I downloaded MapMyRun to replace Endomondo, and I mapped out what I ran.  I did a lovely 2.13 miles in 25 minutes.  That's pretty darn slow! 

The first mile is always the hardest though.  The first few minutes with your feet hitting the pavement.  During that period of time, you tell yourself you want to quit.  It's the same with Spin.  It's the same with writing.  Heck, sometimes, it's the same with anything new you're trying.  That's why I like running--it's such a challenge. It makes me realize I can do something I never thought I'd be able to do.  I feel so good once I get through the first mile, and I know at that point I can make it to the second mile and so on.  But sometimes, I just stop.  I stop when I'm ahead, or when I don't think I can move another muscle. I stop when I'm behind or because I'm telling myself I can't keep going. Sometimes I stop, because I have a defeatist attitude. 

I've defeated myself so many times in my life.  I stopped writing for years, because I thought no one would like what I wrote.  I stopped exercising, because it got hard.  I basically stopped trying.  I want my kids to see my try and succeed.  I want to be a healthy influence on them, and I want to stop defeating myself. 

I want to tell myself these things: I can run a mile.  I can run 2 miles. I can run a 5K.  I can write a book.  I can get a book published.  I can do anything I want to do if I just round the corner and get past the first mile.  The first mile is always the hardest.  That's where your legs tweak, your breath catches, and you run into little roadblocks that can stop you if you let them.  I'm going to run around the roadblocks from now on.  I'm going to reach my goals: exercise, career, and life.  I'm not going to let the little things stop me from achieving what I want to do in life and from winning the race. 

If you quit in the middle, you never know how far you could have gone. 

 

 

 

 

 

Working Toward a Goal Again

It's raining cats and dogs here today.  Torrential rain accompanied by near-constant lightning and thunder. When I was little, I used to say God was having a bowling party, and that's what it sounds like outside. The thunder is so loud the glass in the window next to my chair just vibrated.  Oh I can't wait to do school drop-off in this weather and drive to work through sheets of rain.

Needless to say, I didn't run this morning.  This is our second day of rain, and I didn't run yesterday even though I should have.  The rain yesterday fell all day, but there wasn't a thunderstorm. 

I have decided I can't do three days in a row of running.  I know I've said before that "can't" is another four letter word, but the muscles in my legs hurt, especially around my previous injury and I worry and don't run efficiently.  I'm separating my running days by a rest day now, and I think it will really help.  I'm not just "resting" on my rest day.  I'm doing other activities: Zumba, Spin, or simply going to the gym to run the treadmill and lift weights.  Tonight, I'm going to Zumba.  I mainly feel silly doing Zumba, because I don't think I'm the best dancer but I like the exercise and the music!  It's fun, and before you know it--it's over. 

I had grand visions of beating my time in this 5K race I'm doing here in a few weeks, but I've decided that's not really important.  What's important is getting out there and doing it.  Training by body to run the whole way, and then doing another 5K in a month or so.  Just getting on the wagon and not falling off. 

I feel like last year I came so far.  I'd really made exercise part of my life.  I'd lost weight.  And then--somehow I gained part of it back.  I stopped working out as much.  I started eating more, and now it feels like there's a mountain in front of me to climb.  I know I can do it though.  I went back and read some of my weight loss posts from the last few years, and I can see how to succeed.  It's just getting there.  That's the hard part. 

 

 

 

 

I'm Superwoman Fast!

I went out running this morning, just me and the pollen whooping it up!  Either I've gotten really fast, or my GPS messed up.  I completed my first mile in 8 minutes 29 seconds, although I think it was really about 10 minutes 29 seconds by the time I made a mile.  And I completed my second mile in record time: 6 minutes and 21 seconds.  I've gone from turtle slow to Superwoman Fast!  Or--my GPS stunk today and couldn't figure out where the heck I was going. 

I'll go with Superwoman fast, because I'm always an optimist and rarely a realist.  Today was my Challenge day to run 2 miles and according to Endomondo I ran 2.65 miles in 21 minutes and 21 seconds. I'm thinking I ran about 2 miles in that time, but who knows.  I'm just glad I got out there and ran. 

Running is such a challenge for me every time I do it.  I have my breathing on track, which is half the battle.   I don't feel like I'm huffing and puffing or dying, but most of the time one of my muscles in my legs or calves start to tweak, and I want to stop.  Today, I felt the best I ever had running.  I let my mind run through the list of items I had on tap for today.  I worked on plotting out a story in my head, and at one point it didn't feel like I was running at all, it just felt like I was going somewhere. 

I really do think the key to running is to get your mind out of it.  Release yourself and your tension, the way you do with Yoga.   You have to find a way to not realize what you're doing while you're doing it.  Make it second nature, like the words flowing out of your mouth when you're speaking your naturally-born language. 

I've been there before, and I'm going to get there again: this time without injuring myself!

If It Doesn't Challenge You, Then It Doesn't Change You

Today was my run day.  I didn't go. Instead, I decided to take a rest day and move my run days to Wednesday through Friday of this week.  I went to Spin yesterday and Zumba on Sunday, and the backs of my thighs are sore, plus my lats and my back muscles.   It's a good kind of pain though. The meaningful kind that tells you you're making progress. 

In Spin, I like to close my eyes and pretend I'm riding out in the middle of the country.  I can see the grass swaying in the breeze and out in the distance is a red barn.  In the class, I'm always working to reach that red barn.  I have no idea what my instructor thinks when I close my eyes.  It helps though, for whatever reason, to remove yourself from the here and now and pretend you're somewhere else.  It always allows me to spin faster and forget about the pain.  My RPMs jump up and sometimes I can increase the tension on the bike, getting a better workout.  

I'd like to do that while I'm running, but let's face it, running with your eyes closed is simply not a good idea!  I'd probably fall in a hole.   For me, exercise is not fun.  I always enjoy it AFTERWARDS.  Afterwards, I say to myself that I'm so glad I went, that I love the way I feel energized and the way my body aches.  During exercise, I'm always hating it, unless I can pretend I'm somewhere else or really just get into the song and then it's easier.  Yesterday, Charles played some oldies but goodies, and I sang along like you only sing in the shower.   Release your inhibitions and just go for it. 

My challenge for the rest of this week is to run the next three days, 2 miles tomorrow, 3 miles Thursday and 4 miles on Friday.  Friday will be tough, as I haven't done a four mile run in over a year.  I'll do my best to meet the goal though, and if I fail then at least I know I tried. 

Young Adult

Young Adult.  That's where it's at.  I went to see Divergent last night.  I'm in the middle of the second book, almost done, and there is something intriguing about young adult dystopian fantasies. 

I told Hubby last night, "I think I'll write a Young Adult trilogy about a war, a couple in love, and some sort of conflict.  Then I'll get it turned into a movie, and we can be millionaires." 

"Go for it!" he said. 

And I will.  I need to.  I've been blogging again, which is good.  I haven't really been writing.  I've been trying to set exercise goals and get myself back in shape.  I've been trying to spend more time with my children--giving them the best part of me.  Those are all important, but so is achieving your goals. And I need to stick to my writing goals and not get away from them.  There was one part of last year where I was writing about 5,000 words every day, and writing only gets easier and better if you do it often. 

I've had my head stuck in a book this year, but not in writing a book. 

I'd love to work on a great trilogy, go through about a thousand rejection letters and then get it published.  I'd still like to e-publish my work, but honestly I'm not sure I have the time to market it the way an e-published book needs to be marketed.  I simply am not connected enough, and I don't know enough people to have them review the book and send on to other people they know.  E-publishing is tough, because so many books are published every day, and only the books that are actively marketed earn money. 

To me writing isn't about earning money, but how great would it be to be able to make a living at doing something you love?  That's my overall goal, even if it takes me better than 20 years to do.

Plus, I'd love to have this guy play the male lead in my movie, and maybe as an author's bonus I could rub my hands all over his chest: