Your Life is Your Own

Source: positivelypresent.com via Lauren on Pinterest

I saw this little quote on pinterest this morning.  I found it pinteresting.  (See I just created a verb.  It will eventually  be in the dictionary, just like e-mail)

For a lot of my life, I lived for other people.  I lived thinking about other people's expectations of me.  I wondered whether I was disappointing my parents, my siblings, my friends.  I wondered what other people thought of me.  I had anxiety about not attaining other people's goals for me.  I felt like a constant disappointment to my parents, never doing anything with my life.  Never following through.  Starting something (like vet school, or a novel, or talking about becoming a nurse), but never finishing the task.  I lived in other people's eyes. 

One day this past year, I woke up supremely unhappy.  Those of you who struggle with depression will sympathize with this feeling. I felt like my life had never really begun.  I looked at my choices, and I wondered WHO had made them, because I was never fully awake enough to be conscious of my decision making.  I was not living my life as my own.  I was essentially sleep walking, trying to meet other people's expectations of me and worrying about the outcome, instead of just leaping over the cliff, trying something new, being creative. 

I realized that day, that I matter.  My life is my own to do with what I want, not to do what my parents want me to do, my siblings want me to do, my husband wants, my friends want.  TO DO WHAT I WANT, without the caveat of everyone elses' expectations!  I realized I needed to find a purpose, a pursuit, and jump into it running.  I knew I needed to change my way of doing.

I feel happier than I ever have this year.  I feel more in touch with my emotions, which is funny, because this actually scares other people.  I think our society is so into stuffing your emotions down, and when you have someone who recognizes feeling those emotions, facing them, and letting go then they are often misunderstood.

I want to be fully awake and aware that my decisions are my own.  I don't want to live worrying about what other people are thinking of me anymore.  I want to be who I'M supposed to be, without worrying about what others think. 

Here's to living your life as your own.  A good lesson to us all.

A Crafty Site for a Non-Crafty Person

I joined Pinterest today, thanks to the invitation of one of my friends.  I picked categories like: kids, food, home decor, art.  Pinterest automatically linked me to some followers.  Then it linked me to all my friends.  I don't know if they will automatically follow me, but maybe.  And, I just have to let you know that I will NEVER be posting cutesy little projects on there.  Craftiness has always been an enigma to me.

I always wondered how people could look at a piece of cloth and then turn it into something.  Just now, I looked and there was the cutest project ever for kids, a caterpillar made out of buttons.

Source: parents.com via Beth on Pinterest

I mean, come on, anyone can do this but I would never have thought of doing something like this.  It is so adorable, and for some reason when people post things like this it makes me insanely guilty. 

Art in my house is stored in a cabinet in the kitchen.  The cabinet has markers, crayons, Color Wonder, and painting.  The painting rarely is done because of the mess.  My kids will not be crafty, even though some part of my heart would love them to be!  I'd love to sit down on a Saturday or Sunday and make a little button caterpillar, or make something out of cloth.  This creativeness, very much like writing, allows the creator to turn nothing into something, like turning a blank page into a story. 

Craftiness must be a gene I just wasn't born with.  I'd rather throw the kids in the backyard and hit a ball with them, or watch the caterpillar life cycle, or sit on the couch and read a book with them.  I think; however, next weekend we may attempt a button caterpillar.  This thing is just too cute to pass up, and easy even for me!